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Therapist: Ten years difference between you and Alessio…and that was never a problem? He was actually a grow-up man with ideas, desires and projects…

Me: The difference of age was a big problem indeed…He never spoke to me about serious stuff…politics, business, not even his own business…it was frustrating because it felt like he’s not trusting me. And i believe it was also frustrating to him too…because he was used to have other type of relationships.

T.: This is exactly what i’m about to ask you. Your life experience was nearly zero…What was the worst moment?

Me: The worst…when we broke up, for almost two days…it felt like eternity to me…

“She admired the heart shaped necklace, a first gift from him. She wasn’t used to wear jewelry and it was a little overwhelming but he told her that gold is forever and white gold is the color of her heart. She believed every single word and when he placed the necklace around her neck, small goose bumps appeared on her skin. He saw them and smiled.

-So, your grandmother knows about us and she’s ok with this? She’s gonna help you with your parents?

-Yes, i told her all about us! And she already told to mom and dad that she needs me every day to help her clean the house…You know, i go to her in jeans and there i take on the clothes i’m wearing with you. She knows how much we love each other…

-She’s an amazing lady…i guess you got that feature from her…Cari, we have a few hours, let’s make the best of them. Let’s go somewhere less crowded…

She looked at him with a feeling of adoration, she loved when he was guiding her, showing her the most romantic places, the ones where the sea had the color of her eyes and the wind was playing with his curled hair. This place was the same and being alone with him on the beach made her imagine how Paradise must look…

-Here…my love, what do you think about this place? You know how many times i walked on here alone, imagining i’m with you…the most beautiful girl in the entire world. I wanna lay with you on the sand…

The sand was still warm and soft and she let a soft moan escape trough her lips when he took her in his arms, laying her by his side. She never felt so close to him…to anybody else before. He placed small kisses on her lips, caressing her hair, sending warm shivers trough her body.

She closed her eyes when he kissed her deep and hungrily, feeling her entire body responding to the intensity of the feeling. His lips were devouring her neck, kissing, gently biting, making her tremble. He was using his hands to unbutton her dress still kissing her passionately. She knew intuitively what he wanted…but something inside her just panicked. His hands were slowly lifting her skirt, touching her inner tights. She blocked his hands…

He stopped for a moment to look in her eyes. He saw the panic and tried to reassure her…For him it was something natural, he never considered this a platonic relationship. Kissing, walking hand in hand…were part of seduction.

-Cari, please don’t be afraid of me…you know how much i love you…you know how i want you right now…don’t you feel the same? Your skin is so soft and you smell so good, i just wanna take of this dress of yours and kiss you all over…

-I love you too…but…Alessio…what if someone will see us? I mean…i’m…we’re in public…

She realized she just said a stupid obvious thing, but it was the first thought formed in her mind. He smiled…somehow, that was the line he was expecting. Of course, not in public…

-Well…you see the coincidence…my apartment is very close to this place. What if we’ll go there…you know, i would never allow a stranger to look at my amazingly beautiful girlfriend…And i wanna make love to you slowly…on a soft sheet, not here…

Her heart almost jumped out of her chest. He called her “my girlfriend”! And he wants…the thought seemed to much for her mind…She didn’t knew what to say, how to say…she was afraid to go there and she was afraid to reject him.

-I can’t…

-Why, Cari? You don’t trust me? Or you don’t love me? Maybe both…

-No…no, it’s not that…I don’t feel ready…i always thought i’ll marry in a white dress and my first time will be on the wedding night. I love you so much, Alessio, but…can’t we wait?

-Wait? What for? Oh, i understand…so, the only way you’re gonna make love to me is if we get married? You’re rejecting me because you have a fantasy with a white dress and some prince who’s gonna wait for you forever…Let me tell you something, Carissa…when we start dating i thought i’m in love with a woman, but i realize you’re just a child…a sweet girl who doesn’t even know what she wants!

His tone was harsh, filled with anger and frustration. It was too much…she just burst into tears. She wanted to take back her words, to tell him how much she wants him too, but all she could do was crying.

-Come on. Stop crying, nothing happened…I’ll take you home…

-Ale…ssio…I…would…make…love to y…ou…Un-he-si-ta-tin-gly…but…i…no, you…you’re so…crue..l…and now…the…things…you told me…No…let me…go!

She ran without even knowing if he understood her. Her last words were said between tears and she hated being so ungraceful. She made sure her tears were dried when she arrived at her grandmother’s house. She was still wearing her necklace, the little heart…now her only connection to him…And she knew how long and dark will be the night…”

Therapist: If you could go back in time, what would you say to the girl you used to be? A 17 years old girl, hurting so much because she didn’t knew the difference between being seduced and being loved…

Me: I don’t know…maybe i would just take her in my arms and tell her: is gonna be alright…you’re going to find real love and one day, maybe, destiny will turn the wheel. 

T.: Now the wheel is turned. And you’re wearing the heart-shaped necklace. Does this mean…

Me: It means nothing! Nothing at all…cause he is in love with that sweet innocent girl…he has no idea who i really am…who’s the woman he thinks he loves…

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