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Therapist: So you arrived to the boarding school…your classmates were still enjoying their summer holiday while you were alone there?

Me: Not alone…my best friend, Daniele was with me. He convinced his parents to send him earlier because i told him i’m there…

T.: So much loyalty…please excuse my sarcasm but you know my opinion…

Me: And you’re right…i refused to see it, i refused to accept that he could feel more…because i was extremely lonely and in a deep need for someone to care…

“She felt safe from the first time since her arrival. The room was white and small, a Bible on the bed and a cross on the wall. She knew this room so well…she had a secret corner, right behind the bed where she used to hide the “forbidden” books…an entire collection of Freud’s writings stood in that corner once…

-Welcome to prison…you, lovely black sheep of the family! I mean…blonde sheep…or lamb? Come one…smile for me! I have chocolate candies and a big hug! It can’t be that bad…my sweet little Sunshine!

She started to laugh while he took her in his arms and started to make huge dance steps trough the room…till they both felt on the bed. Daniele was her best friend, the boy who always knew how to make her laugh, the one with cookies baked by him. The one who helped her with her “escaping plans” in their first year in school…

-You…dizzy girl…look what you’ve done to the Bible! I think you just lost your place in Paradise…

-Daniele…you know i don’t like when you’re joking like this…The Bible is my shelter and you’re a future priest…

-Sunshine…you know i hate seeing you so sad…i wanna know everything…what happen this time? What drama took place in that twisted mind of your father?  Let me guess…you were reading on Internet again…

-No, much worse…

-OK…you stole food from your parents refrigerator again…to give it to the gypsy’s kids…

-No, much worse…

-Hmmm…worse…you didn’t! You did it…you took the kitten…the black one…full of fleas and dirt and you hided him on your bed…like you did last summer…Phew…Cari…Come on! Tell me or i’ll show you what i’m hiding under my bed…

She look in other direction and almost whispered…her voice trembling…

-Daniele…i felt in love and i tried to run away from home…

His smile was suddenly gone, replaced by sadness and concern. He knew it all the time…he knew it will come this moment but he never prepared himself for hearing the words. He tried to sound funny…

-Well, you should be behind bars! So…who’s the boy who drove your father mad? Some boy from Palermo, i bet! And i’m sure your folks told you how are 17 years old boys with their hormones…i know, i’m one of them!

She took his hands in hers and looked deep in his eyes.

-Please, just stop joking and hear me out for a moment. I felt in love with a man…His name is Alessio and he’s 27…he’s a business man and he loves me too…in fact we have serious plans when i’ll turn 18…If you knew him…he’s tender and gentle and loving…and with him i feel like a woman…

He couldn’t hear anymore so he covered his ears. He was shocked…angry and resentful.

-Daniele…say something…

-That bastard! He took advantage of you! No wonder your parents freaked out…Oh, Cari…Sunshine…

-No! He’s not a bastard! He didn’t took advantage of me! He understood i wanna wait till the wedding and he respects me. Unlike you…

He ignored the last sentence. Seeing her there, with her green eyes filled with tears, her cheeks burning with indignation, with her long blonde hair flowing on her shoulders…he wondered how could he doubt her…And he couldn’t help it…he took her face in his hands getting dangerously close to her lips.

-You’re so beautiful…

-Daniele! What are you doing…

He took a step behind realizing he was about to kiss her. And lose her…

-Nothing, i’m just saying…you know you’re beautiful and that old man is obviously attracted to you…but, Cari…do you really imagine he’s going to make you his wife? I heard this story too many times…he’s experienced…knowing what to say…of course you felt for him…I’m afraid he’s going to hurt you, Sunshine…he’s going to take advance of your innocence and your carrying heart…

Her eyes were filled with tears and she seemed to lose her balance. He realized how weak and pale she was and he felt the need to save her somehow…anyhow…

-Come here…i’m sorry, Cari…i’m the bastard here…i shouldn’t have said what i just did…it was the shock…Look, i’m your friend, your best friend…Do you trust me? Good…I’m going to make sure he’s treating you right, OK? If he’s not…he’ll answer to me! Don’t cry…you’re not alone…

She nodded and gently put her head on his chest. She could hear his heart beating and she thought how lucky she really is to have him in her life.

He felt the smooth silky touch of her hair on his chest and he felt painfully attracted to her. He wanted to kiss her hair, to wipe away her tears, to run his fingers on her skin…but all he could do was to play the “best friend” role.

And at that point he took a decision: he will do anything to protect her. Because he loved her too much and she deserved better! He’ll do anything to keep her away from Alessio…lying, cheating, stealing…in the name of love…”

Therapist: And after all this time he confessed you the truth…that he loved you deeply all this time and he was hurting inside because you only saw the friend in him…How do you feel knowing all these?

Me: I feel like losing my best friend. I know, i know…you cannot lose something you never had and i admit…i feel like losing a sweet illusion.

T.: Cari…somehow this script keeps repeating in your life…the Savior becomes the Persecutor. I told you about this vulnerability of yours…

Me: You told me that my vulnerability is like a big red sign for monsters. And that if i’m acting like a victim…someone will save me, but maybe the price is too high…like it happened with me and Ryan…but tell me please…

T.: yes…?

Me: If you fall in love with a monster, does this make you a monster too? Or we’re all Angels and Demons at the same time…

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