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Therapist: Tel me more about that weekend…a few weeks after the conflict with your father?

Me: Yes…late November, but it wasn’t a weekend, more like a break from school.

T: The point is that the boarding school was closed during those days, so every student went home. Your parents knew about this?

Me: Yes, they received a notification…but i guess they forgot…

“She was standing on the street with her suitcase, counting the minutes. It was cold and her father was the only missing parent…her colleagues were already on their way home. A dark and scary thought came to her mind. What if he had an accident…She searched the cellphone…no missing call. And she dialed the number…

-Dad…are you alright? You’re late and i didn’t knew what to do…please hurry up, i’m freezing here…

-Carissa? What do you mean you’re waiting? The school will close next week…

-No, it’s this week! You forgot…you’re home?! Dad…what am i suppose to do, i have no place to sleep tonight…

-Look…if this is another attempt of yours to convince me to send you money…Of course it is, why am i so surprised? Go back to the boarding school, i’m not giving you money so you can spend them with your charity missions…

-No, you don’t understand! I’m in the street and i can’t pay for a hotel room…and…

-Bye!

She couldn’t believe it and she felt the terror of being all alone in a city she barely knew. Abandoned, lost and scared…She looked again at the phone, trying to convince herself that it isn’t true. Maybe if she’ll call again…no…she knew her father and he could be so stubborn…against all good judgement, against any reason at all. Crying hot tears on her frozen cheeks…

She dialed another number.

-Daniele, it’s me…

-Hey, Sunshine! How’s the weather in Palermo? Here is so cold…

-That’s the problem, Dani…i’m not in Palermo. My dad doesn’t believe me…he thinks that the school break will be next week…he said i’m only trying to get some money from him…Dani, please help me, i’m all alone and i have no place to go…

-What? Your father lost his mind! How do you mean he doesn’t believe you?! Idiot…But what can i do…i’m not in Rome anymore…Please, Sunshine, don’t cry…i’ll find something…Trust me, OK? Look, tell me exactly where you are and don’t go anywhere. Just stay there!

The minutes seemed hours…Another hour and no sign of Danielle…strange thoughts haunted her mind. Maybe he doesn’t care either…why would he…Maybe he forgot about her too…Maybe no one cares. She looked at the silver clock she had from her grandmother. Strangely enough…it was 19:19…The hour when Angels…Oh, where’s that Guardian Angel? The sky seemed to respond because the first drops of rain washed away her tears.

-Carissa…

It couldn’t be real…and still he was there. Taking her in his arms, making her feel warm again. She was relieved and she was ashamed at the same time. For being so weak, for feeling so lost…

-Alessio, amore…But how did you…

He held her tight, touching her face, caressing her hair…She was trembling and he took of his jacket…

-Cari…i missed you so much…i thought i’ll never see you again…when Daniele called me and told me what happened…i felt like going crazy, worrying about you…The thought of you…alone on the street…how could i let you…how could i be so stupid to hurt you like i did…We need to talk about so many things…come with me…

-You’re here…and you wont leave me alone…i’ll have a place to sleep tonight…

-Of course you’ll have a place to sleep tonight! A hot bath…good food…someone to hold you. And not only for this night…as long as you want me…It’s breaking my heart to see you crying…

-Just hold me tight…it’s like a dream to me…you wont leave me…

-I’ll never leave you…my sweet love…now let’s go…i don’t want you to catch a cold here…

And, just like that, with a blink of the eye, her destiny changed once again. And she realized how good it feels to breath again…”

Therapist: In your nightmares, you’re always running scared on an empty street, in darkness…do you see now the connection?

Me: Yes…and i see so much more…you know…when i met Ryan i felt the same: lost, lonely, afraid of the unknown. And he made me feel safe…

T.: So you married him after only three months, without really knowing him. Cari, i’ll be very open and honest now…If all you need is to feel safe, than you’re probably searching for a father figure. And this could explain how both Alessio and Ryan are more than 10 years older than you…

Me: No…i don’t think i ever looked at Ryan like that…and the difference of age only made him more fascinating…the mature and experienced guy, if you wanna put it that way…

T.: But the mature and experienced guy doesn’t inspire you that feeling of being safe anymore, does he? And your nightmares are expressing the same old fear of being abandoned…of having no place to go…

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