Tags

, , , , , , , , , ,

Therapist: Tell me about that night…you feel like you and Matteo felt in love with each other on that yacht?

Me: I think we were both very confused…and that night was therapeutic for both of us. And i saw a part of his personality absolutely amazing…generous, loving…

T.: Yes, Cari, but that was the only time you ever saw that part…Remember what you told me last time? That you married Ryan because you thought he’ll love you forever…

Me: I know, i know…

T.: Maybe is not what you wanna hear but…love is not something rigid. We’re evolving, recreating ourselves with every joy, with every shock, with every loss…So, Cari…i feel like you wanna froze that moment in time when you were happy with your husband and repeat it over and over again. Well, it doesn’t work this way, just think about…

“She took a deep breath and tried to control her anxiety. It was cold, the wind made her tremble and the darkness was overwhelming. She wondered what did he had in mind…renting a yacht and sailing in the middle of the night on waters he didn’t even knew. With her…

-Isn’t it beautiful? The black water and this silence…if you listen carefully you’ll hear whispers…

She wanted to ask if he knows the way back but, seeing him smiling…finally relaxed, the question seemed pointless.

-I never imagined you on a yacht…sailing in the middle of the night. Matti…it’s beautiful here and you went trough all this trouble…

-Carissa…tonight is all about letting go…Letting go the pain, the burdens, the tears, the fear…You can’t do this in a hotel room. You need a place where you could be alone with the sky…look how many stars above us…the darkness around us makes them so bright…

She felt her tears running down on her cheeks and he took her in his arms.

-No…look at me…there’s no time to cry…you have to send a message to The Sky. Your message will open the gates of Heaven and your voice will be heard. For all your losses…

She wanted to say something nice and beautiful, poetic maybe, but her pain was much to recent, much too alive…

-I wanna burn the sky and the gates of Heaven! Because too many souls are leaving too soon and i want them back! Because is not fair…If i could, i would set the sky on fire and i would also say a few things to The One who’s directing our lives!

-Let’s do it! I don’t know if The One is ready for your message…but i know the perfect way to set the sky on fire. Here…i’ll help you…

He showed her the Sky Lanterns and she almost jumped.

-Matti…since i was 4 i wanted to do that! I love the Sky Lanterns! How many do you have? 15…WOW! And how do you burn them?

-Not me…you…And i want you to associate every one with a message. You need to concentrate and to let it all out…And i’ll do something else…it’s another surprise for you…Alright…start now.

With trembling hands, she took the first one and pointed to the sky before letting it go.

-Because you’re there, in Heaven, when you should be with me…why did you broke your promise? 

He told her to say it louder and clear, cause no one is gonna judge. And she felt free…for the next Sky Lanterns, her messages came straight from her heart.

For every tear you wiped away ever since i saw you for the first time…

For our secret lessons…for teaching me Spanish even if my parents disagreed…

For telling me that i should do only what i wanna do with my life…

For fighting with my father about the catholic school he chose  for me…

For taking care of the kitten i saved…

For buying me my first perfume…

For encouraging me to fight for my love…

For letting me ornate your birthday cake…

For convincing my mother to never cut my hair against my will…

For saying that God gave me the color of the stormy sea in my eyes…

For crying with me when i felt abandoned…

For talking to me about Faith and Love, in a way that Church never did…

For the things you never had the chance to say…for the hugs and kisses you’ll never give anymore…for all the love i’ll always feel. I don’t wanna let you go from my heart…

When the last one reached the sky, she abandoned herself in Matteo’s arms.

-Carissa…you’re extraordinary strong and brave…now i understand and i’m overwhelmed…

-I feel like in my heart is a storm. But i also feel peace and love…is it possible? And is like the darkness disappeared…

-Open your eyes…there’s no darkness anymore.

The light came from the white candles. They were in the middle of the sea with the sky above them, surrounded by the light of the candles. She tried to say something but there was a special light in his eyes. And, in that moment, she desired for more…And he answered to her unspoken desire. The kiss was gentle, passionate and sweet…

And she said to herself that it’s alright…there wasn’t fireworks, rainbows, thunders. Not like she felt with…But it was friendship, a sensation of being safe, gratitude…And no one will ever know. Only the stars. And her heart…”

Therapist: Were they enough? Friendship, safety, gratitude…are they enough to create the illusion named love?

Me: If you’re looking for an illusion, yes. But the illusions never last in time…

T.: Look for a moment at the girl you used to be. She was searching for the real thing. When did she decided that she should be contempt with an illusion?

Me: When she wanted to burn the sky…and she only burned her own heart.

 

 

Advertisements