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Therapist: You wrote something on the painting: “to live, to love, to feel, to know…to treasure”. What is the significance of these words?

Me: This is what i want. I realized that my nightmares may never end and i decided to stop giving them so much importance. So, i decided to live…

T.: Your nightmares are expressing the wounded part of your soul. Are you sure you wanna minimize their importance?

Me: Yes, i’m sure. I’m tired, Dave…i’m trying so hard to analyze my conflicts. It’s like a labyrinth and i can’t find a way out. I know what you said about telling my story, but i ran out of patience…Look outside! It’s a sunny day! I wanna go out and look at the sky and be grateful for who i am and for what i have…To live, to love, to feel…No matter how small and modest is what i have…i wanna live it and love it.

T.: Let’s go outside. Let’s look at the sky…Tell me about living, loving, feeling…

“She felt the soft touch and she smiled. Someone was caressing her hair and, in spite of the fever and pain, she thought that it must be the best sensation possible. She didn’t wanted to open her eyes…she knew what’s the picture: the white room, the horrible smell of medicines, the monitor with all the sounds that never stops…She felt like in his (she dreamed is a prince) touch is her freedom. To escape…

-Cari, amore mio…

The magic suddenly broke when she heard his voice. But he continued to caress her hair and her face. When she finally opened her eyes, they were filled with tears. All the memories, all the pain…

-Alessio, how did you knew…why did you…

-Ssssshhhhhtttt…i’m here now…it doesn’t matter…Baby, i’m so sorry…please, stop crying, i’ll help you get out of this hell…

His words didn’t made sense to her but she was missing his voice, his warmth, his touches. She opened her arms and place them around his neck. He saw the iv and the monitor and his eyes darkened.

-Cari…how did this happened? You were fine and now…What are they doing to you?

-It’s not that serious…just a little fever. Alessio, i missed you so much. I know we broke up…i know you hate me but it feels so good having you here. I swear i never cheated you. I love you…

He was holding her so close, feeling her tears on his shirt. She felt that is all she needs. The only thing that will heal her…He was there, talking to her, looking at her with the same love…like nothing ever changed.

-Baby, i was so selfish, the jealousy i felt was overwhelming. But i never wanted for you to go trough this…Cari, we don’t have time. You need to go with me now…

-Where? I’m going out of the hospital? Really? I’m fine…Oh, Alessio, for a moment i thought i’ll never be fine again…What are you doing…no…stop…

He was trying to take the iv out of her arm and she looked horrified to the blood.

-No, it’s hurting me…we should call a nurse…

-Cari…just press here for a few minutes. I took a first aid class in college and i know how to…OK, now the wire…no, first let’s unplug the cardiac monitor…Alright, you can stop pressing. See, it wasn’t that painful…Where are your clothes?

She looked stunned at his actions. And she realized what is she about to do…

-I can’t…Alessio, i can’t run away from the hospital. It’s crazy…i still have fever and…it’s illegal…you’ll be arrested…

-Baby, i don’t care! Don’t you realize? They will kill you here…all these treatments aren’t good. All you need is some rest and decent food and me taking care of you. Come here, can you walk? I can’t believe what they did to you! Cari, i’ll take you to the best doctors if you need them. But can’t you see, baby? You’re fine…

-No, she’s not fine!

The door suddenly opened and there was Dr. Sabrini with a nurse. The nurse asked if she needs to call security but the doctor said no.

-What’s going on here? Who took out the iv? Look at the bleeding, Carissa…i thought you’re more responsible. And you, young man…how could you let her do this to herself?

Alessio tried to say something but she stopped him. The nurse was bandaging her bleeding arm.

-I did it because i can’t take it anymore! I wanna go out of the hospital! Tomorrow is Christmas and i wanna spend it home! Not here! I’m tired of being analysed and treated. I’m fine and i don’t understand why can’t i go home…

-Let’s calm down…Signorina Provenzano, running away from hospital is the worst thing you could do. You’ll leave the hospital in a few days. All the test results are fine, nothing explains your fever. Of course, we could say it was caused by an emotional shock, but is slightly possible. And about the iv…you should had call a nurse. Instead, you did it by yourself and you probably damaged the vein, judging by the blood. Wasn’t it painful?

She shacked her head but she thought that it was the most painful thing she ever felt. But she wanted to be brave. And to protect him.

-Alright, Carissa. You don’t need the iv anymore. Now, about you, young man…why didn’t you called a doctor if you saw she’s hurting herself?

-He didn’t saw! He arrived after…i did it by myself. So, when can i go home? Tomorrow?

She tried to sound sure of herself, hoping and praying they wont discover her lie. Dr. Sabrini explained to them that is better for her to be attended in hospital a few more days. Alessio said he understands (and he looked at her smiling, making her feel so proud) and he kissed her and left. With the promise of a new beginning. And saying i love you…

She felt asleep smiling happy. Dreaming about a new life with him. Forgetting about pain and fear. At least for one night…”.

Therapist: To know and to treasure…

Me: To know how to respect myself, how to love myself…To treasure my past, even if it wasn’t perfect. Because that past made me the woman i am today…So, Dave…do you think we can do all the sessions here, in the park? I loved this one…

T.: Cari, i think we need to be prepared for rainy days too…

 

 

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