Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , ,

Therapist: There’s a strong emotion that made you build this thick wall around you…

Me: Yes. I’m angry! For the first time i’m not sad, i’m angry! For his lack of reaction, for my loneliness, for always being the only one fighting for us. I’m used to have walls around me cause i’m married to a wall!

T.: This void inside you, like you used to say, was it sadness? Or was it anger all the way?

Me: I think it was a different kind of anger…i felt like i’m angry at myself. And now…i wish i could kick him and shout at him…

T.: But instead of all these…you just stay still, pretending you’re strong and faking a perfect smile…

“-…and when the professor asked him how does he sees himself ten years from now, what do you think he answered? You won’t guess…not in a million years. He said…

-Come on, Anna, don’t be so cruel! Look at Daniele, he’s about to have a heart attack…Well, Cari, you gotta hear this: Daniele said: I see myself changing all the rules and becoming the first catholic priest who got married to the woman he loves! Imagine, Cari! The room was filled with catholic priests…And now he’s going to counselling…

She smiled at Anna and Michele but her heart was aching for the pain and hurt he must have felt. Daniele was her best friend and she knew him…she knew his doubts and all the wrong reasons that pushed him on this road. And she tried so many times to tell him…

-Guys, you’re overreacting! I said it…so what? I’m going to counselling…is annoying as hell…so what? Ten years from now i’ll be changing the rules. And you two will have seven kids already and you’ll be too busy to care about what i do!

-Yeah…busy trying to make the eight one…Right Anna? Tesoro, we gotta go…Cari, get well soon! Is boring without you…Bye Dani!

The room seemed empty once they left. Daniele came closer, sitting beside her on the bed. She was holding the pink elephant they gave her and smiled at him.

-Dani, how could i thank you? You brought me so many things. And a Christmas Tree…And this sweet and fluffy Mister Pinky! And my favorite German chocolate…

-You cannot imagine how i felt when i found out you’re in the hospital! We came home last night and i couldn’t stop thinking of you. Oh, Sunshine…if i had known…i would have never accepted to go to Germany…Tell me what happened…And what’s with this crazy rumor that you’re dating Matteo Moretti?

She took a deep breath and tried to find the best way, the best words…About her trip to Palermo, about the sky lanterns, about the kiss, about her health problems, about Alessio…When she stopped, Daniele was overwhelmed.

-Dani…i don’t know what to do…i think i’m in love with both of them…

-Sunshine…you know that’s not possible! If you love someone with all your heart and soul, there’s no room for another love…Maybe you don’t love any of them! Maybe you love that rebel part that Alessio has…and you’re fascinated by Matteo cause he’s so different…But loving both of them…that’s impossible!

-You’re right, i’m crazy!

-Hey! I’m the one going to counselling, not you! I think i won my craziness award! Nothing left for you, Missy! You’ll be boringly wise for the rest of your life.

They both started to laugh and she kissed him on the cheek.

-Will you be my friend forever? Forever and a lifetime? Will you, Dani?

-Yes Miss Troubled Sunshine with the pink elephant! Now let me tell you something about choices. Chose the one who’ll make you scream…

-Oh, no…You know i’m nice and polite. I never yell at people. Remember: i learned British manners since i was in diapers!

-Hmmm…Sunshine, i meant a different kind of screaming…in pure pleasure and passion. I swear, no one will think you’re impolite. My God…your face turned red…these guys should hire me to treat anemia…Now, seriously. Cari, don’t play with Matteo. His family is not that sweet and kind…And don’t play with Alessio neither. Cause you’re playing with your own heart. And with your own life…”.

Me: I’m not standing still. I just don’t wanna fight anymore. Because i never win and i’m sick and tired of pressuring him, of demanding something that i think i should have: his love, his attention…You know what, Dave? I am standing still…because i’m protecting what i still have…my dignity…

Therapist: You feel like you need to protect your dignity. From who? Is this the way you define bravery? Cari, he’s not going to read your mind. And if you’re standing calm and still while in your heart is a storm…

Me: I don’t wanna stay still. I wanna scream! I want him to make me scream!

Advertisements