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Me: I don’t know why are you asking me this…I told you, Dave…it was an accident! That’s all…

Dave: Today you bruised your arm “by mistake”, yesterday you burned your fingers…again “by mistake”, the past week you felt because you were wearing high heels…again “by…

Me: Are you suggesting that i’m hurting myself on purpose?! Cause i don’t…

Dave: I’m only asking you to analyse your behavior. These coincidences happen too often…It’s like your punishing yourself and i’m worried about the next time…

“She was running. Without a direction, without a purpose. Just running…as fast as she could, with an overwhelming desperation. The sand was cold and the wind made her tears dry. A storm was coming. She was decided to run into the storm. Till she’ll become one with the rain…till this agonizing pain will be gone forever.

The waves caught her eyes. Big, dangerous, dark blue waves. The sea was black. This must be a sign…she thought. She stopped for a moment to catch her breath. I gotta run…cause thunders are miles away and i need them to cover their voices. Their selfish, cruel, meaningless voices…

What if…instead of running by the shore…She tried to silence this thought inside, but her heart was racing. That’s the answer…the only answer. She looked at the clock…an hour after midnight. That’s it…she decided to run into the sea…till she wont be able to feel…anything at all. She took her first step. The water was freezing cold. Another step…the wrong one. She screamed when she felt the sand running under her feet. It was dark and cold and it was not the way she imagined to be. She started to struggle but the waves kept her from getting to the shore. Something hit her in the face and her knees melted.

She thought she’s lost but then she heard her name…and someone pulling her out of the water…

-You’re not going to commit suicide while you’re in my care! Do you get me, Carissa? I’m so angry with you…i could kill you myself! Noooo…open your eyes! Look at me while i’m talking to you! You…selfish, crazy, irresponsible little girl! So…here i am wasting my time, bringing you to Palermo…and that’s my reward! To see you dying…well, you chose wrong…Carissa…

She realized he’s holding her firmly by her shoulders and that he’s shaking her. But his voice was nothing but an echo. She couldn’t stand anymore…

She woke up in his car, covered in a soft warm blanked. She smiled.

-Thank you, Matteo…

-Don’t thank me…you don’t know how upset i am. What have i told you? To call me immediately…if things goes wrong with your parents…Do you know how worried i was? Do you know that i arrived too late? I hate you right now! I don’t ever wanna see you or talk to you!

-Don’t worry…you wont. I hate myself too…

She wanted to get out of the car but he kept her from moving. She saw his eyes.They were in tears. She touched his face gently, like touching a scared child.

-Matteo…i’m very, very sorry…I was selfish and irresponsible. You saved my life…

-I hate you…Carissa…I hate the way you’re playing with your own life…a dangerous game. And i hate how you’re taking me for granted…me and my parents! Like we were some puppets to play with. So…Carissa decides she wanna kill herself…to hell with the rest of the world. What does she cares? She’s pulling her number…her own private show…and to hell with my feelings. With my love…You know what? You deserve to be punished…

-I’m already punished, Matteo…just because i was born. And i was wrong…but…i just wanted to be over…i hate myself for hurting you, i do…

He took her in his arms, holding her very tight.

-Tell me what happened with your parents…please, sweetie…stop crying…just tell me…

-Well…i went to my house…with flowers for my mother. They were nice…me, stupid me…i was already dreaming about having a family dinner, then sleeping in my old room. Stupid dreams…and they were really nice to me. I told them i broke up with Alessio and they were happy. I asked them to forgive me…they said they will…

-Go on, sweetie…

-they wanted me to go to court and declare something…about my grandmother…so they’ll have control over the entire company…i don’t know what…cause i stopped listening and i told them that i’ll never lie for them! Never! And then…my father said something horrible…That i wasn’t supposed to be born…that i’m alive because doctors told my mother that abortion is too risky…He told me that my mother took some medications during pregnancy…in a desperate attempt to kill the baby…to kill me…They were convinced i’ll be retarded…My father said that he thought on suffocating me…but my grandmother threatened him with prison…And then…i don’t know…cause i ran…and…i’m so sorry, Matteo…i lost my mind…

Her pain was so intense that he could feel it. He wanted to do something to stop the pain and he felt helpless.

-Carissa…

-No…i don’t want you to feel pity…i was wrong. I don’t want you to stay with me…out of compassion. I wanna go…

He suddenly pulled her hair and kissed her. It wasn’t a gentle kiss…she felt his desperation, his anger, his desire…She tried to push him but he just grabbed her hands and she just surrendered. When he stopped, she could see flames burning in his eyes.

-That was a silly thing to say, sweetie. I saved your life…now you are mine. You’re not going anywhere, you’re staying right here with me. No more stupid things…like you did before. We’re going straight to the hotel, i’ll call a doctor to see you cause you almost drowned…and you’re gonna have hot soup for dinner. Don’t look at me like that…i will make all the decisions for you. As for your father…he messed with the wrong people…

-No, please, Matteo…don’t do anything to him! It’s already too much hate, i’m already broke…please…i can’t have him on my conscience…

He smiled.

-We’ll see…you just be a good girl and do exactly what you’re told to do. Your father is my problem, not yours. You’re not capable to be in charge of your own life…not to mention to protect someone else. So, sweetie…you just gotta learn to accept my decisions.

She felt overwhelmed and saying yes was the only logical thing she felt like doing…”.

Me: And what’s the relevance? I’m not that child anymore…Matteo is miles away and i’m in love…

Dave: Are you? Or saying yes is still the only logical thing you feel like doing?

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