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Me: I wonder if she would still love me…after all the wrong decisions…

Dave: She still loves you…even when you stop loving yourself. And this has nothing to do with decisions…you cannot decide to stop loving a child, just because he took a path you don’t approve…

Me: Every time is raining outside…i keep remembering and no one knows…but i still feel like running outside to dance in the rain…

“She was laying on the bed holding very tight a pillow. A wet pillow…because she used it to cry all of her tears and to shout out loud all of her pains. Now she was tired and she wanted to sleep for a while before the “big dinner” with Alessio and Jennifer. The thoughts kept running and stumbling in her mind creating an agonizing mixture of chaos, anxiety and pain.

She started to talk to herself. Carissa, you’re a fool…acting like you’re cool and calm. You think he doesn’t realize? You almost fainted when you saw him with…Oh…how could he replace me with that girl…I’m sweeter and nicer and i can love him like no one else…No! Stop! I’m not in love with Alessio anymore! I love Matteo…who am i kidding…I don’t…But it would be nice if Matteo and I…Carissa! You’re dreaming away…he’s engaged! What do you think, stupid girl? He’ll leave his fiancee to be with you? HA! But…if he would…then i would have a family…someone to take care of me…

She felt asleep. In her dream, she was 7 again…dancing bare foot on the beach in the poring rain.

-Nonnina!!! (a sweeter term for “grandmother”)

-Angelito de mi corazon! Carissa Maria! Your parents are looking for you…Angelito…

She was laughing, taking her grandmother’s hands and starting to dance.

-Nonnina, don’t be mad. I know you’re not! You know how i know? (laughing and tickling her grandmother) Cause every time you’re talking in Spanish with me it means that you’re happy!

-Carissa Maria Provenzano! Why did you ran away, Angelito? They punished you again…your father told me all about. Cari…if you could just keep these visions of yours to yourself…

-I did! I did, Nonnina! But Signore Rossi is a bad person…i felt like something cold and black when he gave me the doll. When i touched his hand i saw in my mind…Nonnina…am i bad? That’s why i can’t go to school with other children? Cause i’m bad? I heard mommy saying that i’m not normal and that…that i’m evil…What does it mean evil?

Her grandmother looked down.

-It means that your parents are only human…they make mistakes but they only want your best and they love you very much. Let’s go home, Angelito.

-No! They’ll punish me! And is not fair, Nonnina! I wanna be your child! And to live in your house. Te amo mucho! I don’t want you to leave me, never ever!

-Yo tambien te amo, Angelito de mi corazon! (i love you too, little angel of my heart) We’ll make a deal, you and me! Every time is raining, we’ll go outside and we’ll look at the clouds. When you’ll see a cloud shaped like a little heart, you’ll know i’m right next to you…

She woke up. Matteo was there, caressing her hair.

-Are you alright, sweetie? You dreamed something…and you were crying in your sleep.

-Matteo…how did you get in my room? I thought i locked the door…

-I used my key…yes, sweetie, don’t make such a big case out of this! Anyway…you didn’t answered the phone and i was worried. Outside is raining so i imagined you’re here sleeping. Rain makes me sleepy too.

-Raining? Ohhhh…let me see the sky! Look, Matteo…see that cloud? It’s shaped like a heart…

He started to laugh.

-Sweetie…i constantly forget how cute you are! Clouds shaped like hearts! Carissa…No…You know what? I’ll play your game! So…there’s a cloud like a heart…and that’s probably a sign…that…

-That i’m going right now to walk in the rain! And maybe i’ll dance bare foot in San Marco Square! Come with me, Matteo! Please, pretty please! You said you’ll play my game…

For a moment he thought of saying no but the look on her face and the way she was holding his hand melted his heart.

-Alright, sweetie…let’s go dancing! I can’t believe it…But that’s what i deserve for trying to turn into a lady a sweet crazy kid! Be prepared, sweetie! There’s a group of Japanese people with their cameras…you’ll be on youtube!

-Then…Matteo…maybe you’ll kiss me…so they’ll have something beautiful to record…

She immediately blushed and he took her in his arms whispering in her ear “my God…sweetie, you do know what you want, don’t you?” and laughing. And they went outside in the rain.

Me: And it was amazing…he kissed me in the rain…the most passionate kiss i ever experienced. And i truly believed that he’s the one that Heaven chose for me…

Dave: But you didn’t loved him…you loved the rain and your precious memories…and you didn’t wanted him…you wanted a lost feeling of being safe…

Me: It’s true…still, i told myself that this is how is meant to be. Dave…i don’t wanna associate the rain with this memory…i wanna be able to dance again in the rain…or at least to walk in the rain without the umbrella…It’s raining right now…

Dave (smiling): Would you do me the honor…of walking with me in the rain? 

Me: No umbrella? Promise?

Dave: Who needs it anyway? When you have so much love and beauty inside your soul…it should be enough to cover your heart…

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