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Me: You know that feeling? Your heart is racing just for hearing his name, you find yourself smiling for no reason…and everything he does, even the smallest gestures are perfect…You wanna be with him…sleeping, eating, living is worthless in his absence…

Dave: Yes. Some people call it “falling in love”. I call it obsession. Fixating on the object of your admiration, fantasizing and creating a whole different reality in your mind…

Me: Is it dangerous? Is it insane? Is it a sin? Will i burn in hell for wanting this? Let me tell you something, Dave…Hell is to live without feeling it! When the rhythm of your heart is normal all the time and you’re calm, breathing with regularity…when you sleep perfectly eight hours and you’re eating only healthy food…This is Hell!

Dave: No, Cari. I’ll tell you about Hell. When you live a love story that only exists in your imagination. When he’s saying “i love you” just to get you faster in bed with him, when it’s obvious that he’s somewhere else with someone else…even if he’s sleeping with you. Cari, only teenagers are still confounding sexual attraction and orgasm with true love…

“She knew he’ll come knocking at her door any minute from now. She wondered…will he be angry? Does he have any right at all to be angry at her? She felt nervous and decided to take another look in the mirror. The mirror…showing her perfect mask. Learning how to use the makeup was easy, learning how to let go of this mask of perfection was almost impossible. But she was ready to try…

He opened the door. Of course, without knocking…

-Sweetie…you’re not ready…we’re gonna be late for dinner. Alessio and Jennifer are expecting us at the restaurant. Come on…wear the black dress this time. And your hair…i want you to lift it…i wanna see your perfect neckline…

-Matteo…i’m not going. I tried…i started to get dressed, i did exactly what you said, wearing the exact clothes you told me to wear. I lifted my hair and i used the mascara and the black eyeliner…just like you said. And then…i realized that i can’t play this game…I’m disappointing you and i hate this, but…

-You can’t…Carissa…i don’t like your attitude. I invited them to dinner. I want you to show to Alessio that you don’t care about him anymore. Now go and get dressed…If i decide something, i’m expecting from you to follow my instructions!

She turned around…she didn’t wanted him to see her sadness. Then she sit at the edge of the bed. Holing a pillow.

-Matteo…can you stay here with me? Please…I can’t go to the dinner with Alessio and Jennifer. If you could understand…please, just try to see things from my perspective. I can’t stay there and watch them kissing…i’m dying inside just imagining this. Did you knew that me and Alessio…we have an hour…19:19…he used to call it “the hours of angels” because we met at that hour. On that bridge…Tell me, Matteo, how could i watch him kissing and holding another girl…How could i be calm and cool when my heart is like an bleeding wound…

He looked in her eyes very cold and upset.

-Sweetie…you gotta stop being so melodramatic. It’s such a turn off…OK…you’re sweet. The hour of angels, heart shaped clouds, signs, dancing in the rain…Your heart is like a bleeding wound…My God! You could write the script for a soap opera. And it’s cute, but…it gets boring after a while…Now, the facts: Your ex boyfriend cheated you while you two were still together. And he abused you. You can deny as much as you want but is the truth. Now you have the chance to show him what he’s missing. The sexy, intelligent, elegant young woman he lost…But there’s more. You’ll do it because i ask you to do it! Do you understand?

-No. I don’t understand. I’ll never understand!

-I created this image of yours! You’re mine and i can’t let you ruin everything…just because you have a mood…I decide what’s best for you and i decided you will go to dinner.

She felt very discouraged. She laid on the bed, still holding the pillow and started to cry.

-Not again! Carissa…the mascara is running down your cheeks…Carissa! Stop crying, really…try to control yourself.

-Control? This word again? I don’t wanna control myself! I don’t wanna be strong! I don’t wanna be your creation or your doll! I don’t wanna be that woman you want me to be! And i don’t wanna play this game! You should control yourself! You’re the child here! You wanna control everything because you felt lost once! Well, Matteo…i have news for you! I feel lost all the time! I hoped you’ll be my salvation but you only want to control me! And…for God’s sake…why would you ever wanna control something that’s destroyed?

She closed her eyes. Afraid to open them, convinced he wont be there anymore. Angry at him and angry at herself. He touched her gently, caressing her hair. Lifting her slowly and wiping away her tears. He took the pillow she was holding and let it fall. Then he took her in his arms. She felt defenseless.

-I’m sorry, Carissa. I’m terribly sorry. For everything i said and for everything i did. Now you know me…maybe you wish you’d never knew this side of me. But i do care about you…i do love you and my intentions were good. I never wanted to harm you…i can’t even look in your eyes when you’re so scared, trembling and with your heart beating so fast…like you were a little bunny. See, sweetie…i still can make you smile. You know what i wish? Wanna know? Alright…if you’ll give me a kiss, i’ll tell you…

She kissed him on the cheek and he took her face and kissed her lips. Looking in her eyes, searching for any sign that she doesn’t wanna go further. But she closed her eyes and smiled. And he kissed her passionately and long. And leaved her wanting more.

-Do you wanna know?

-Y…yes. Tell me about your wish? I wanna make it true…

-I wish i could turn back time…Back to the place and the moment when you met him. I would take you away…steal your heart and you would love me…And i would make love to you. For the first time…love, not sex…I know that making love to you would save me. I don’t like myself anymore…since i made you cry. My soul is like an open wound…you said it and i’m feeling it…is painful…

She tried to find the right words and the courage to speak.

-You don’t know it…but you turned back time. When you saved me from drowning. My life is yours and i feel like i belong to you. I don’t know if you want me…but i’m yours…Just…don’t…don’t make it so painful…It doesn’t have to be this way…not when i love you like i do…Would you Matteo? Would you save my soul…and hold me close when the darkness is all around me…I’m so cold…every night…so lonely and i’m so afraid…would you just love me like no one else did?…”.

Dave: This is exactly what i mean…The pressure you put on your partner is enormous. You’re asking him to save you from yourself, to make you self confident…any normal guy would fail…And ohh…the punishment, the guilt…

Me: You make it sound like i’m a monster…

Dave: Cari, ever since i know you, you’re fighting your inner demons. You don’t know it, but you already won. Assume your victory and forgive your prince for being imperfect…

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