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Me: Don’t say you love me…when all you love is an image made of broken pieces. Yes, the makeup will cover the traces, the scars, but you’ll never love what’s under…

Dave: Under the scars, beyond the hurt and pain…there is a little girl who never felt loved or accepted. She’s the one who’s running away, sheltering her heart, building thick walls to cover her wounds.

Me: Exactly. That’s me…so, don’t say, don’t feel, don’t you even think…to love me, cause i’m unavailable…

Dave: Unavailable, taken, married…empty words. Is funny how you don’t seems to be afraid of them but you’re so terrified to hear what your heart needs to hear. I love you, because you’re so much more than a runaway girl…

“-Heyyy…it’s alright…it’s not goodbye, how could it be? It’s just…just making things right in our lives. Without hurting anybody…anymore. Matteo…you gave me more than i ever dreamed…you gave me my life back and you showed me that i can be more…that i’m not trapped in abuse and tears…And now…all i’ll do will be dedicated to you…

He was holding her tight with no intention of letting go. She wanted to look in his eyes but he kept them hidden…she imagined to see tears in them. She wished she could cry. It would made sense…but all she wanted was to return to what she still had. Her school, her friends, her projects…her desperation to have something tangible, something real, not some “i love you” that melts away in the morning sky…

-I need to go…Matteo, you need to clarify things with your fiancee. Assure her that nothing happen in Venice…that you’re committed to her and to your baby. Let’s not sacrifice innocents for something that…

-Shut up! Just shut up, Carissa…or i’ll put you back in that car and i’ll drive till we’ll run out of gas. Can’t you see you’re talking senseless words…you love me and i love you. We’re not sacrificing innocents. You’re the only innocent here and i’m not sacrificing you! That baby is nothing to me…she’s nothing to me…A stupid accident when i was drunk. You and me, sweetie…we’re not an accident or a coincidence. We’re destiny…and you’ll be mine…regardless of what i have to do. Capisci? Now kiss me and stop fighting this damn feeling i never felt so strong before!

He kissed her angrily, passionately, hungrily…like it were their last kiss. In a way, she felt it is…their last kiss. But she smiled and put her hands around his neck, convinced that it will be for the last time. Then she left, feeling his gaze long after they parted. A strange feeling of freedom and the joy of a new beginning. Finally…when you have nothing, when you have no one, when everything was taken from you…then you start climbing, building, breathing and enjoying every single breath of fresh air, every single drop of water, every word of kindness and every caress you get…Strange lonely thoughts…

She reminded she needs to call to the boarding school. Her only home…And she realized that her purse, along with the cellphone, her passport and everything important is in Matteo’s car. She almost kicked herself for being so…but she smiled thinking that it must be a sign. Like the heart shaped clouds, like that kiss in the rain…So she rushed back to his house.

After an hour of walking her feet were hurting so bad…she imagined how she’s gonna sit down on that cozy couch he has…When she approached to the house she saw the door slightly open…and a voice…an angry voice. She came closer, imagining is Ariana. The worst moment…she realized they were fighting but she didn’t saw him. It was her…shouting at him…ugly hateful words…

-You’re asking me…what? And why should i do an abortion? For you to be with that whore? Never! Honey…i’ll go to the press…ohhhh…i can’t wait to make it all public! I wanna see how you’re gonna explain to your precious mother that you forced me to abort your child! And i’ll die laughing to see her face on the front page of every journal! If you even dare to look to another woman, i swear it, Matteo…

-Are you threatening me? Are you? You…worthless piece of shit! Going to the press…let’s give them something interesting to write about…

The sound of his voice…harsh, cruel, changed…And the other sound, much more frightening. Ariana screamed. She could almost feel her pain…and she wished she just wouldn’t be there…The sounds of punching, hitting, beating…Ariana was crawling looking for an escape. He kept hitting her…her screams turned into moans of agony and pain. And he kept punching her…in her face, in her stomach, in her back. Shouting unrepeatable words, leaving her bleeding…

Then silence. She could hear the beatings of her own heart. Terrified and horrified, helpless and blaming herself. For being there, for the trip to Venice, for Matteo, for not saving Ariana. For her lack of reaction. Trembling and in a state of shock…she tried to think. What to do next…And then she heard Ariana’s cries for help. She couldn’t understand what they were saying. But she clearly heard the word “child” and the truth hit her like a brick. The child…And his words.

-Go clean yourself…i saved you from a trip to the abortion clinic. Ariana…don’t you ever dare threatening me or my parents again. And you better stay away from the press…or you’ll be begging me to finish what i started!

He laugh. The most cruel, cynical laugh she ever heard. She was blocked there, hating herself for not being able to react. She tried to look inside…but she made a wrong step and she broke a vase. He rushed to the door and he saw her. And she saw him. Or…a different version of him. The dark side…if it ever existed a dark side…it was there, in his eyes. She looked at him terrified, pale like a ghost. He tried to sound calm.

-Carissa, sweetie…what are you doing here? What did you heard? Look…i just had a little fight with my ex fiancee, but things are under control.

-Y…y…you got…blood…there…on y…your…shirt…I saw…i saw…

He tried to touch her but she ran. As fast as she could run…Without looking back. And she never forgave herself…”.

Me: I regret…with all my heart. My lack of reaction turned me into accomplice to crime. I see her in every girl i’m helping, i see that child in every child i’m trying to defend. But it’s not enough. It will never be enough. 

Dave: Cari…he did it. And you punished yourself for so many years. Stop running, you’re safe now. The little girl can stay safe and free, she did nothing wrong…the dark side, the monsters…are all our own choices. Chose with your heart, not with your fears…

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