Me: All i ever wanted is exactly what i have right now. So, why am i not happy?
Dave: Because you want more. The girl you used to be would settle for the safety and the comfort of a family…she would impose to herself that this is true happiness. The woman you are today…
Me: Wants more…love, passion, romance. But it has to be the whole package…i mean i want all these along with the safety and the comfort of a family.
Dave: But if you don’t get the “whole package”…does this mean that you’re doomed to a life without passion? Or that you have the right to keep searching…
“The park bench seemed the most comfortable place in the whole world. She looked at her leg, it was red and the ankle was swollen. She could barely touch it, the pain made her clench her teeth. She wondered if is broken and decided to try to walk again. One step…she felt over the bench with tears of pain in her eyes. It was dark and cold, she was lost somewhere in some deserted park, without knowing how to get to boarding school. Without her cell, without her purse, with no money…Hot tears in her eyes, crying in desperation.
-You’re sitting on Millie’s bench! No one sits on Millie’s bench! Go away!
Her breathing stopped for a moment. The harsh voice was talking to her, no doubt about it. She hoped that, if she’ll ignore it, the voice will just disappear. But the terrible owner of the voice continued, this time like pleading with her.
-Look, girl…i have no money and even if i had…Millie is not letting me with hookers. So…go away before she’s getting angry!
The man who was standing in front of her could have been anything. From a homeless person to a weird fictional pirate, from a monster to a lonely priest, from a lunatic to a explorer. Strange clothes, mixed together in a weird way, but clean…His face covered by a long bear and blue eyes with a lost expression. She decided that is safer to listen to him and she tried to walk, but her ankle made it impossible.
-I’m sorry…i’m not a prostitute…i was running and i got lost and i felt. I think i broke my bone…please, help me get to a hospital. Please, it’s cold and…i’ll give you money…
-I don’t need your money! Let me put my glasses. Hmmmm…indeed…you don’t look like a hooker. What happened to your ankle? Let me look, i’m a doctor!
She was in so much pain that she didn’t cared. He touched her ankle very gentle.
-Can you move your fingers? Alright…When does it hurts? When you try to walk…well, the bone doesn’t seem fractured, but we gotta immobilize somehow the ankle. I’ll use this…(he used his tie to immobilize the leg). It will hurt less, but you need to have a radiography done…and a bag of ice and some painkillers. Don’t try to walk right now…better talk to Millie and ask her permission to use the bench.
She looked for Millie, but the old man only showed her the air. She was afraid to contradict him.
-Signora Milagros for you, little girl! Be respectful!
-Signora Milagros…can i, please, use your bench…i’ll go in a minute, i promise.
The old man smiled and she was amazed how different did he looked when he showed gentleness.
-Millie said you can stay. And she told me that i was rude to you. My apologies. I’m Silvio and Millie is my wife.
-Nice to meet you, Silvio…i mean…Signore Silvio. I’m Carissa. Thank you for what you did, it hurts less.
-Are you hungry? I know a shelter where they have the best food! I spend some nights there. Millie doesn’t like it, she’s always telling me that Mike’s feet are stinking and Nicola’s hair is dirty but…
He stopped, looking around very scared. Then his voice changed, whispering to the ghost he used to call Millie.
-Don’t be afraid, my darling…they can’t see you…Only Carissa sees you, but she’s on our side. I’ll never let them take you away from me. My beloved Millie…
She was afraid to ask, but her curiosity won.
-Signore Silvio…Millie is your guardian angel?
-Shhhhhhhh! Have you lost your mind?! Do you want them to come here? Did they send you…no…how could they? They don’t know where we’re hiding.
-The Angels! They tried to take Millie away! Can’t you see the clinic right in front of you? (there was no clinic). She got out of the clinic and she had the biggest smile. She wanted to tell me. But i already knew about our baby. I’m a doctor, i know the signs. But i let her believe that i know nothing…because it was her surprise for me. She crossed the street with her arms wide open because i was here waiting. Oh, that smile…gorgeous smile…And They saw! Bastards! They tried to take her away! That car shouldn’t be there! I heard people talking about her. That it’s too late…But i didn’t gave up, i brought her here…right where you’re sitting right now. And i held her and i said to her…we’re gonna hide, sweet Millie…they wont take you away…And the first thing i did…i rushed home and i burned everything…so they wont know where she’s living. But…
She was crying. Hot steaming tears running down her cheeks. She thought she’s frozen inside, but every single pain was brought back to life inside her. He continued without looking at her.
-…i burned…by mistake…all of her pictures. From our wedding, our honeymoon…She’s mad at me because i did it…and i hope she’ll forgive me for not saving at least one…Carissa…you think she’ll forgive me?
-I think she already forgave you. And i’ll keep your secret…no one will take her away from you.
He looked in her eyes smiling.
-You’re so kind, Carissa. I’m sorry for what happened to you…Be careful…They are after you too…Can you see them? Like you see Millie? They’re after you since you were born. Vultures…Don’t let them fool you, they may have white wings but they’re devious by heart…And they’ll try to take you from this world…because They know about your powers…just like they knew about Millie…
The lights from a car blinded her. Not any car…his car. And she wasn’t ready to face him. To see the blood of the innocent reflected in his eyes. Silvio saw the car too and he panicked.
-Quickly! Millie…run, darling! We’ll meet at the secret stone, my love. Run! Carissa, i’m sorry, i can’t take you, you’re too heavy to be carried and old Silvio cannot save you. You gotta deal with the Devil by yourself! Please…no matter what…don’t tell him about Millie…
She promised. She tried to walk and it seemed possible. For a moment…until the pain crashed her in his arms.
-Sweetie, are you alright? What happened? Someone attacked you? Don’t you ever run away like you did! Everybody is searching for you…
-Where’s Ariana? You killed her too? Like you did with the baby? You murdered your own child, i saw the blood. I saw…you’re a criminal.
He grabbed her by her shoulders, looking straight in her eyes.
-Carissa, what you saw is a fight that got out of control. That’s all. Now…i don’t appreciate your disrespect and your lack of gratitude. You’re hurt and confused and that’s why i’m not reacting to your words. Next time you’ll be punished. Now we’re going to my apartment, you’re gonna take a shower and we’ll sleep together. Like you always wanted, right, sweetie?
-But…we…we’re not…i mean, i have school tomorrow. Please, take me to the boarding school…
-Like i said…as long as you’re my girlfriend, i’m expecting from you to listen to me without commenting. Now be a good girl and get in the car.”
Me: I was so tired, so desperate and alone…i imagined that hell is like this. And every time i’m sad i look back at that moment and i realize that i survived…so, nothing can be that bad in my present life…
Dave: Your present life should be more than avoiding pain. Searching for love and avoiding pain are two different things…and, in some circumstances, they aren’t excluding each other…but you do…you’re so determined to never feel pain again that you’re ready to froze your feelings…