Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Dave: And how will you fill this empty place? With a few nice words from him, from time to time? With you and him…holding hands? Will it be enough in time?

Me: I don’t know, Dave! It’s all i have…this and my dignity…I’ll never beg him to love me. But there’s one thing i’ll never understand…

Dave: Tell me…

Me: Why is he turning his head…when i’m looking in his eyes. Why is he always tired, always busy, always preoccupied…Why every time when i’m telling him how much i need him to hold me, he just pretends hot hearing…

Dave: Because he’s taken. He belongs to someone else. To something else. Yes, he’s your husband. No, he’s not cheating you with another woman. But he’s taken…by his past, by his profession, by his dreams…You dream to be his top priority…i wonder if you have at least the second place in his priorities. 

Me: No, Dave…i don’t have this dream anymore. Number one? Or the second place? Oh, no…i wish i were somewhere on his list of priorities…but more and more i feel that we’re living in different worlds.

“She looked around. Memories all over the place. Some sweet, some bitter, some frightening ones…Alessio’s apartment was exactly as she remembered and the nostalgia of being in the one place she imagined to be her home was overwhelming. Still, she managed to keep her calm and to do the right thing…or what she imagined to be the right thing.

-So, here are the keys you gave me. And the ring…Here, i’ll put them on the table. And i’m leaving now…Bye, Alessio…

Her hands were trembling and her steps were stumbling as she walked to the door. She looked back one more time, hoping to see a reaction from him. Nothing…he didn’t even turned his head to look at her. She wanted to leave in dignity but a wave of frustration, pain and anger took control over her mind and she stopped.

-Say something, Alessio! Anything at all! That you’re sorry, that you wish it were different. Say that we both made mistakes, just say it! Say i’m too young and too stupid or say that you never really loved me…I hate you! I hate the way you’re just sitting by the table looking at that wall when you should look at this wall you created between us! I hate you and i hate myself! Alright…i give up…Goodbye…

With a few moves, he was behind her. Grabbing her by her shoulders, turning her toward him, taking her face in his palms. Caressing her lips with his fingers.

-Cari…i tried…I wanted to hate you. I wanted to be with another woman and to erase you completely from my mind. Jennifer…she didn’t had this softness on her skin…her lips didn’t tasted sweet…Her eyes didn’t changed color no matter how angry i made her. I made love to her but in my mind i was making love to you. I kissed her trying to feel again the sweetness of your kisses. I watched her sleeping and she wasn’t smiling in her sleep, like you do…sweet angel of mine…

-Please stop…stop telling me about her…you’re cruel…

-She never told me i’m cruel…she didn’t knew how to excite me till i cannot control my actions…She never melted in my arms and she never cried rivers of tears like you do. I think i hurt her…but she never had that scared and lost look in her eyes…like a lonely child…I never felt the need to take her in my arms and just hold her…just to stop the torment inside her…no, she never rejected me or made me feel guilty…This is all about you, baby…I tried to find you in her and it was all in vain.

Her tears were running down her cheeks and he wiped them away. She tried to look away but he lifted her face, making her feel lost in his blue gaze.

-You said i can say anything…but you never keep your promises, do you, baby? My therapist told me that we have a long painful road to travel…well, you were the one sending me to therapy to control my anger…so, you’re in! I can’t do it without you. I need your help. First of all…let me do something i’m longing for…

With no other words, he kissed her. Slowly and deep…taking his time to feel her, to taste her, to make her lose herself in her desire for him. When he stopped…she barely could hold on to her feet. He smiled seeing her so helpless and completely under his spell. He took the keys and the ring from the table and opened her palm and put them there.

-These things belongs to you. Along with my heart. I’m expecting from you to be more careful in the future with both of them. There is no way i’m letting you go. No way…Does he imagine you’re his? He’s a fool then…you’re mine, baby…

-I’m yours…I love you…i don’t want to, but i do love you…Oh, what am i doing, i can’t…Alessio, you don’t know him! He’s…

-He’s treating you like a possession, like an object. Controlling you…showing you around like you were a trophy. I will love you. I can share your time, your attention…even your body…i won’t share your heart. Cause your heart is mine, Cari. Don’t ever forget who you truly belong…

She left the apartment with a silly smile on her face. Hiding the keys and the ring in her purse. A flashing light almost blinded her. He got out of his car.

-Matteo…what are you doing here?

-Well, i tried to call you, but your cellphone was closed. And it took a little too long…What happened? Did he begged you to come back to him? Hope you gave him the keys back…and that fake ring…

-I did…And it was everything alright, we just said goodbye. I’m all yours now.

-Good girl. That’s how i like to hear you talking, sweetie. I was worried…but i know you’ll never cheat me.

She laugh. A nervous laugh when she’d rather cry.

-Cause if i’ll cheat you, you’re gonna punish me. That’s what you said. But you didn’t said what’s the punishment…anything, but don’t make me eat cabbage…That’s not a punishment, that’s torture.

He touched her hair and his voice was strangely calm.

-No, sweetie…I’m not gonna punish you. If you’re cheating me, i’m gonna kill you. That’s all i’ll do to you. But it will never be the case, right, honey?”

Dave: So, you said to yourself that it’s too dangerous to break up with any of them? 

Me: No. I told myself that i’m not able to take my life in my own hands. I took the easy way. The destructive way, because all those lies made my soul suffocate and broke my trust in my own values.

Dave: Cari, you took the hard way. Just like you’re doing right now…

 

Advertisements