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Dave: No, i don’t understand! I don’t understand how can you forgive, how can you forget…Damn it, Cari! You need a cold shower…

Me: I don’t need you to understand, Dave, i don’t need your approval or anyone else’s approval…I’m tired to live my life this way…struggling to smile, fighting for every second of serenity…looking for love in all the wrong places…

Dave: I warned you about this…virtual love will let your soul empty…And your solution, now? Run back into Ryan’s arms…good luck with falling in love all over again with a guy who never cared…

Me: He never cared because i never told him the truth…i never revealed my heart in front of him…What if…what if me and him, both of us would take off our masks?

“She was serious and calm, but deep inside her heart she knew there’s a storm waiting to begin. They were in Matteo’s office, the place she had chose to reveal him the truth. She was wearing her white short dress, the same dress from Venice.

-I remember kissing you in the rain. The drops of water seemed hot on your lips and the sweetness of your kiss made me forget everything. Carissa…i wish i could turn back time to see once more…just once more…that trust, that love in your eyes…Anyway, you said you have something to tell me.

-Yes. The truth…I decided to tell you everything and to let you decide…about me, about us…I did something…terribly wrong. And now someone is blackmailing me…That afternoon, when i told you i’m going to my piano lesson…

-I know.

His words were cutting the air like a knife. She stopped and looked very surprised at him. A little scared but relief that she doesn’t need to say it…He continued very calmly, like he were talking about the weather.

-If you wanna tell me about that old gypsy, Yolanda…she’s already taken care of. She had the audacity to ask me money…she had my picture and some interesting story about a girl who wanna see me suffering or even dead…She claimed that she invoked a demon and she wanted money to reverse the curse. I was laughing at first, but, sweetie…i’m too old for these games and since i’m a public figure…

She looked down, visibly ashamed.

-And i know more. I know that you never stopped seeing Alessio…That was more painful than your childish games…but i’m a survivor. My question now is…why?

-Why? Oh, Matteo…

The tears were running down her cheeks and she covered her face. But she needed to let her soul speak freely.

-Because i’m crying myself to sleep every night…and wake up at the same hour…with the same nightmares…and you’re in every one of them…Because i can’t look in the mirror…i just can’t recognize myself anymore. Because i thought that God left me…and i took justice in my own hands…Wanna know more? I don’t care if i live or if i die…so, i don’t really care how you’re going to hurt me. I had a vision about love…in my dreams, love had nothing to do with pain…And you broke it. And i’ll never love again and i’ll never make love again…And Alessio, he knows nothing, nothing at all. In the day he’ll find out, he’ll run like crazy…because people do this when someone is in pain…

He took her hands and wiped away her tears. He spoke in a very gentle tone, looking all the time in her eyes.

-Carissa…i had a vision too, i still have it. In my vision you’re smiling and i make you laugh. And i’m so proud to be the reason behind your smile and the cause of your happiness…In my vision you’re waking up in my arms and you look at me with that sweetness in your eyes. I miss you…I wake up and your perfume is there, in every one of my dreams and i wanna fall asleep and never wake up…just to feel you over and over again. And i have nightmares too…about roses that are fading. Flowers that die in the moment i touch them…

She smiled. Remembering how he used to be. Taking his face into her hands and caressing his cheeks and running her fingers trough his hair.

-Yes…Matteo, i am very sorry. Very, very sorry…

He kissed her fingers.

-I know, Carissa…i destroyed everything it was to destroy. I broke all my promises to keep you safe and loved and i almost lost you. I wanted to save you and i became an aggressor…And now there’s no way back…One of us has to renounce…So, my love…i’m leaving the country. It will take a couple of weeks to have it all arranged…but you’ll be free. I don’t wanna be your guardian anymore. But you know…i’ll always be there if you need help.

-No…don’t go! I know how pathetic it sounds…but i have no one but you…Matteo, maybe love is like this…Maybe people hurt each other over and over again till one of them forgives the other. Then, once the first step is made…there’s only room for forgiveness…Let me make that step, let me forgive you. Help me to forgive you. Help me build everything all over again. My world…around you…if you love me…Don’t go, don’t abandon me. It hurts more being abandoned than…what you did…Will you?

He leaned on and gently kissed her cheeks. Than he looked in her eyes asking permission…she closed her eyes in anticipation and he kissed her lips. Slowly and tender, holding her all the time. She felt like dancing and she felt like flying. Big round salty tears running down her face.

-See, Matteo? This is my vision…and i’m desperate to believe again…I don’t know how i’ll do it…but i’ll forgive and forget. Just don’t go…i already lost everything…

-Carissa…how could i leave? You gave me wings now…a new life…Come here…Sweetie, am i dreaming? No? You’re smiling because of me? You do? I will give you the world…everything you ever dreamed…

-Just your heart. And a promise…that you’ll never hurt me again…

He took her in his arms and whispered “i promise”. She wanted to believe. Regardless of their past, forgetting and forgiving. In the name of love…No…because she knew for sure that love was not meant to be in her destiny.”.

Me: As you can see, Dave, i’m not a fighter. I’m not brave, not even honest. And i’m not ready to face the world all alone. You were wrong about me.Β 

Dave: No, i was right. You’re wrong about yourself. And you’re so desperate to believe you’re right…

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