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Me: When I felt in love with him, it was like my heart was whole again. And then, with every disappointment, the little pieces started to fall…

Dave: Now you feel you’re incomplete? You feel like he failed?

Me: Maybe I failed…and no, I don’t feel incomplete. I learned that I need to accept him for the man he truly is. He’s not perfect, but I’m not perfect neither. He can’t heal my insecurities…or make me whole again. Maybe no one can…

Dave: Yes, but there’s a missing piece. A lost piece of your heart. And someone, someday, will find it and you will feel complete…

Me: No, I’m not going to wait and I’m not going to search. When I’ll find that missing piece, because I have to be the one who’ll find it…I’ll take his hand and put the missing piece there. He’ll know what to do next…

-Baby, last night you were amazing…if you would be here in my bed, I would make love to you over and over again…can’t get enough of you…

-Awwww…Alex, come here, cross the ocean for me, I wanna feel you in real life. No one ever made me feel that good…

-You know my situation, I can’t just leave like that…But I’m all yours as you’re all mine. I love you, baby!

-It’s because of that girl? 

-What girl? Oh, you mean Carissa? Of course not, baby…I told you, I only see in her a good friend. But she’s going trough something and I can’t leave her right now…You’re the one I love, silly! 

-She’s always going trough something! You’re not making her any favor by keeping her like this! We’re in love, Alex…

-You’re my love, my one and only love. I’m dreaming of you every night. I’m holding her and I’m thinking about you, baby. The way we’re making love…And Carissa…she’s a child…she can’t compare herself to you…you’re my woman.

-Mmmmm…it surely feels good to be your woman. Are you sure you don’t wanna come here…?

-Baby, the only thing I’m sure about is that I love you. If I’ll visit you in the US…I may never leave your side…Know what? There’s no way I’m staying away from you anymore…Give me two or three weeks and I’ll be there!

-Will you break up with that girl?

-Of course, baby! Today I’ll do this…so I could be yours…officially taken and deeply and madly in love…

 She looked at the white screen. The words were there, clear as the light of day. The picture of him and another picture, of a woman she never saw before. He obviously didn’t expected her to come…and she wanted to go back in time and kick herself for the bad decision of surprising him. Yes…she finally used her key…to bring him that french vanilla cake she knew he adores. Now the cake was at the kitchen table while her heart was smashed on the floor. She wanted to run and to pretend she didn’t saw…But his last words…he’ll break up with her today…

She heard the bathroom door and it was too late to run. He was there,with his gorgeous “after-shower” look and a brilliant smile. She felt like crying but she smiled at him.

-I know it’s unexpected, but…I knew you had a lot of work to do and I thought that something sweet will help…I wanted to surprise you…I’m sorry, I shouldn’t…

He started to kiss her, smiling at her, while she wondered how he’s gonna say it…She decided she should be the first talking.

-Alessio, lately we’re so torn apart…I can’t find my way back to you and you’re always busy, distant…Maybe it would be for the best to…

-Baby, what are you talking about? I was busy building my business and you were busy with school and with…Matteo…Right? Come on…school is over…this summer it’s all about us! You know I love you, right?

The way he was calling her “baby” and the way he said “I love you” it was just too much. She gathered her self control and try to sound cold.

-I know you feel sorry for me. I know you see me as a child. Poor child, right? I don’t need your pity, Alessio!

-What are you talking about, baby?

-Don’t call me baby! Not after you called her that way…You told her you’re gonna leave me today! OK! I’ll save you from trouble!

He finally understood. He saw the chat box and hurried to close it. Then he turned to her and tried to reassure her.

-Look, this means nothing to me…it’s virtual sex, that’s all…

-Virtual sex? What do you mean? There’s no such thing as virtual sex! We’re not computers, we’re human beings. Beyond every word there are emotions, feelings. Really, Alessio…Can you imagine how I feel right now? You and her…discussing about me…you told her that you love her…that she’s your one and only…

-Baby…

He tried to take her in his arms but she pushed him away.

-I thought that nothing can harm me anymore. Well, never say never…you prove me wrong! How could you? And she’s…how old? 40? She looks 40 to me…How could you?

-I told you, baby…it’s nothing but a virtual relationship. I can erase my account right now if you want me to! Virtual words…they mean nothing in real life. You’re my real life, my real love…

-Right…So, how come that my tears feels so real…if they are caused by virtual words? And how can this pain be so real, if you only used your imagination with her? And how could I feel so jealous and insecure over a chat box in virtual world?

-Stop it, Cari! You’re being so cruel, using everything you know just to twist the knife in my heart…

-Really? What knife, I can’t see any knife…And what heart, if you don’t have one…Ohhhh, sorry…virtual knife and virtual heart! Alright, take your virtual insanity away from my reality and use it to have virtual sex to a stranger…We’re done!

She turned away and left him. Proud of herself for saying what she felt. Without crying, without begging. With her head held high. Devastated.

Dave: Yes…that’s the effect on the loved ones. The price for his fantasy was payed by you and by your relationship. 

Me: It was the final drop…But I learned a lesson, an important one. About myself…I can’t separate things. Virtual love? No…just love between two people…who are too afraid to be themselves…

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