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Me: I’m starting to believe that I’m creating my own storms…

Dave: Cari, let me tell you something: just because no one knows, it doesn’t mean that the hurt and the pain are less real. Indeed, you’re covering so well…but it doesn’t take too long for an experienced eye to see…

Me: Ryan doesn’t sees. 

Dave: Ryan sees only what he wants to see. You did the same, remember? And I can’t blame him…after all, you’re offering him everything you wanna receive: love, tenderness, commitment. Why wouldn’t he take it? With both hands… 

“-This is my wedding dress! What do you think, Cari? And be honest! It’s made by a famous designer…

She looked at the piece of white fabric thinking that Leah deserved more. The dress was covering her whole body, from neck to toes, creating waves on Leah’s body.

-I like the fabric, it’s…silky. And you look good in white…But, Leah…don’t you want the dress to accentuate a little your…natural curves? You have a nice figure…and the dress is covering…

-My big butt and my fat belly. And my non-existent breasts! Oh, yes…and my legs…looking like two potatoes…Anyway, the dress is done! I worked day and night, a whole week…

-You?! You created the dress? You’re the designer? Ohhh, Leah, I’m so sorry…you’re so talented! Now, when I look better, I see how fine are the details and I love them…

She hugged Leah and helped her with the buttons when the door suddenly opened.

-Get out of here, Adrian! It’s bad luck to see the dress before the wedding! Leah, quickly! Cover it with this towel!

Adrian was laughing seeing her so agitated and Leah suddenly blushed. He opened the door a little wider, in spite of her protests.

-Cari, you’re so silly sometimes! So, where’s that dress? Come on! I only see a white sheet! Are you girls playing ghosts or something? Leah, honey…what’s that?

He touched the fine fabric and she look into Leah’s eyes. They were covered in tears, while her face looked more white than the dress. Adrian was still laughing.

-Why are you laughing, Adrian? Leah created the dress herself! And it’s beautiful. Look at all the details! This are hand-made roses. They cost a fortune! You’re lucky to have such a talented fiancee…Tell her! Tell her she’s beautiful! Adrian…

He turned to face her and she wondered how cold can he behave. He spoke very calmly.

-Cari, I think I need some time alone with my girlfriend. And Matteo was looking for you…I know you two, girls, you’re best friends, but Cari…you need to step out a little…we have important things to discuss about the wedding.

She wanted to stay, somehow, she didn’t felt safe to leave Leah. But she realized she can’t do anything so she just went outside. The fresh air was a little cold and she was still so tired from the flight. The apartment rented by Adrian was small…she tried to look inside but the covers were too thick and she could only suspect from the sound of their voices that something is wrong. She sit on the cold bench in front of the apartment. The stone was hurting her skin and she felt vulnerable and lonely.

-Heyyyy…what are you doing here, sweetie? Trembling and sad like an abandoned child? Come here, let me warm your hands…Baby, I thought you’re with Leah…

She let him caress her, feeling so lost and lonely…He was there. It didn’t matter how she really felt inside, he was there. The only man in the world who was there for her.

-Matteo…don’t…don’t let me go…just hold me tight.

-What’s wrong, sweetie? You’re crying? You had a fight with Leah?

She didn’t had the chance to explain. Adrian rushed out, slamming the door. He took the car without a single word…She only thought about Leah. The door wasn’t locked and Leah wasn’t crying, like she expected her to be. There was something dark in this calm of hers, just like being in the eye of the storm.

-Hi Matteo…Cari…you’re both here…that’s so good…

-Are you alright, Leah? Thanks God! I thought you two had a fight…I started to cry outside, thinking he’s hurting you or something. Now I feel so stupid…but I’m thankful for seeing you smile.

-Yes, Cari…you’re sweet, always worrying for nothing…

-Leah, can I see the dress once again? Can I showed it to Matteo? I liked it more and more. Matteo, Leah created such a nice and detailed dress, with roses…she worked so much but the results are beautiful. Can I, Leah? The dress…

-What dress?

The words sounded terrible. She froze. The silence in the room was cold and suffocating. She looked desperate to Matteo. Feeling like she just had been caught in a parallel universe. Where all the good is turned bad. Suddenly she saw the big black trash bag. Filled with small pieces of a fine silky fabric. She took the bag and started to look in desperation. The petals of silk were falling between her fingers. She burst into tears.

-What have you done? It’s your dress! Matteo, help me…maybe we can fix it…Why? Look, Leah…the roses! Why? Who? Matteo…I know it can be saved! Help me…

Leah came to her and hugged her. She was crying so hard. For the dress, for Leah…for her own heart…Matteo tried to comfort her but it was in vain. Leah spoke very calm. The terrifying calm of the secret storms.

-Cari, Matteo…it’s alright, guys. Really, Carissa, honey, stop crying. It’s nothing, just a dress. Adrian was right…let’s face it…it was ugly.

-He did this to your dress? Adrian did it? I hate him! When I’ll see him, I’ll tell it to his face! I will! He doesn’t deserve you, Leah! He doesn’t deserve any girl at all! He’s a monster and I hate him! You’ll find a better one, Leah, we’ll be there for you. Now I’m so angry, I could kill that…

-Shhhhttttt…Carissa, you wont say anything at all if you’re my friend. He was in a bad mood and I asked him to be honest…he didn’t liked the dress and he’s right. The wedding is still on, I just need another dress. See, Cari? You’re so silly, crying your eyes out for nothing…And don’t ever say those nasty things about Adrian, ever again, or I’ll forget you’re my friend. I love him and he loves me.

-But you’re much better! You’re…

-I’m what? I’m the fat little girl no child wanted to play with. I’m the kid used in an ugly divorce as a weapon and, sometimes, a shield. I’m the teen with pimples all over the face…the girl no boy ask on a date. I was bullied, I was mocked, I was abused in ways you wont ever imagine in your perfect life, Cari! You know how I survived? It was him…Adrian. The wedding and the family he promised we’ll have…My husband, the father of my children. The one who’ll protect me from all evil. So, don’t you dare to say anything to him! The wedding is still on. That’s the important thing, not some stupid dress. So, don’t make a drama out of nothing and don’t use words too big for a 18 years old kid. That’s what you are, Cari…a kid, the little spoiled princess crying over a dress that is not even hers. Who am I…

-You’re my friend, Leah. My beautiful, intelligent, talented and creative friend. Me, the spoiled kid, like you said…I may be a kid but I love you and it’s tearing me apart to see you like that…

Matteo took her by her shoulders and leaded her outside. She cried in his arms and he held her trough the night. Saying nothing, no advice, no smart comment, no attitude…nothing but “I love you” and “It will be alright”. All she ever needed to hear.”

Dave: You needed those words and you needed someone to be there. Ryan happen to be the one…

Me: No…I chose him to be the one for me. Maybe at first I was only searching for a shelter, but in time, be became everything to me.

Dave: A shelter? Well, a jail is a shelter too. And if you paint the walls in bright colors, you can lie to yourself that you’re on a safe colorful world, a free one…Of course Ryan is everything…who else is visiting you in your own jail, Cari?

 

 

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