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Dave: That smile on your face…let me guess…you took a break today?

Me: A break…from what?

Dave: From carrying a burden much too heavy for your delicate shoulders. From saving the world, the planet, the human kind, Ryan, other lost souls…

Me(laughing): Dave, I’m sure there’s a point in what you’re saying…I just can’t get it…why don’t you help me a little?

Dave: I’ll say it loud and clear. You need to focus on your own life…you’re running away again, escaping the problems instead of facing them…

 “-I know you don’t wanna see her, sweetie…but she’s not a bad person. And we’ll only gonna stay a few minutes. Come on…do it for me. You’ll see…you and Emma will be best friends…she’s a psychiatrist, you’re fascinated with people…

-Matteo…you know why I don’t wanna go there. I’m afraid I’ll remember…I understand she’s a good friend of your family…but she treated me so cold when I had…

-She didn’t treated you with coldness, she was your doctor. And you cannot accuse her…because she didn’t knew why you’re acting like that…

-I don’t wanna go, please, just let me wait in the car. I’ll remember that night…And I’m afraid of hospitals. What if I’m acting strange…what if I’ll have a panic attack in front of her…in a psychiatric hospital…

She was trying so hard to forget. The abuse, the pain, the night when she lost herself…He stopped the car, without looking at her. They were in front of the hospital and she felt cold shivers trough her body. He opened the car door and took her hand.

-Carissa, I don’t have time for this. I’m running late from a business meeting and I really don’t have time for your childish behavior. You’re going with me as my fiancee!

-Please, Matteo…I have nightmares with this hospital…

-You and your nightmares! I’m so tired of feeling guilty and always trying to compensate something. How many times do I need to say I’m sorry? I made a mistake that night! You were traumatized, I get it! But, for God’s sake, it was months ago! And it wasn’t a rape…you felt pain and you got scared. And then the whole drama! Cause that’s what you do…the only thing you’re good at!

He practically pulled her out of the car. She couldn’t breath, trying to stop her crying. Wondering how did they got to this point. The point where he was nice to her in public. And if she obeyed without commenting. She couldn’t explain why was she putting up with this…it wasn’t out of fear. It was just that feeling…of being meaningless, without importance, lifeless, death inside…

Emma was nice to her, congratulating her for the engagement, telling her that she’s the luckiest girl on earth for being with him…she smiled. Then Matteo asked her to let him 5 minutes alone with Emma, to discuss some business. She left the office.

Walking to the white empty corridor…she finally let her tears falling. As much as she wanted to forget, the pain was real inside her. That night kept repeating in every dream. And now she was facing her darkest fears. With trembling hands she opened the door. That was the room…the bed where she had her hands tied…the walls that heard her silent screams…She pushed the door and faced her memories.

-How can darkness be so white?

-What? WHAT?! I can’t believe you’re here!

She regret immediately her words and her presence there. The woman in the hospital room had something wild in her eyes. She was looking directly at her and her heart was beating so fast…she wanted to run, but something held her there…

-I’m very sorry, Signora…I didn’t meant to bother you, I mistaken the room…

-No, you did not! You came here on purpose. He does that…sends his demons to torment me.

-I’m not…I’ll go get the doctor!

-Oh, no, you’re not going anywhere!

The woman grabbed her arm so rough that she screamed. She felt the coldest touch she ever felt and she screamed again calling for help.

-Tell Him to stop the numbers! 4 . 16 . 18 . I can’t sleep because of the numbers! They’re everywhere. What…the mark! NO! Not the mark! You are the One! Are you here? You came here to take the numbers away! AWAY! Remember! 4 16 18!

Two nurses helped her and she saw the woman struggling. They gave her an injection and the wildness in her eyes was melting away. The woman was barely whispering before falling asleep “search for the mark…the numbers…she is…”

-I’m sorry…I got lost…

Matteo and Emma had the same look in their eyes. The same undisguised disapproval, the same discontentment. Emma cover it better.

-No need to apologize, things like these happen more often than we’d want to. You had a terrible bad luck…yesterday, she was more aware of herself, today she had a bad day. One of our most aggressive patients and you caught her on a bad day…

They left. Matteo was quiet. She started to cry in the car.

-Matteo…can you hold me for a while? I got so scared there. That lady had the coldest touch…and her eyes…and she kept saying some numbers 4 16 18. Do you think they mean something?

-Yeah, right…is a message for you, of course! Carissa…this time you really made a scene…I never felt so ashamed…You’re like a child, no, worse! I can’t let you five minutes alone…I can’t deal with you anymore. We’re over!

-Over? Do you mean…

-What part of “being over” was so hard to understand? Get out of my car and get the hell out of my life!

-GLADLY!

She slammed the door behind her and walked with her head held high. Free.

Me: I don’t think anybody felt that happy for being dumped! I cried a river of tears and then I slept like a baby! I remember that even the sun shined more bright after…

Dave: I searched on google.

Me: What? Oh, that was a silly idea…of course the numbers have no meaning…

Dave: You would be surprised…Look at this:

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardlywe are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

 

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