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Dave: Of course you need all these things! You need someone to tell you that you’re beautiful, you need someone to show you he really means it…

Me: To show me…how?

Dave: How do you imagine? 

Me: I imagine Ryan holding me tight and kissing me. I imagine him wanting me. I would feel beautiful, I would feel loved…I would be less lonely…

 Dave: Tell me about this loneliness you’re feeling inside.

Me: It makes me feel ill, weak, vulnerable. I’m not blaming him, maybe he’s lonelier than I am…but it’s killing me inside. I wanna tell you something, a fragment from my history with Daniele, so you’d know what I mean…

“She took his hand, making a pirouette in front of him. The dress felt so light and airy on her body and she loved the sensation. Her hair let loose and she stopped in his arms.

-Do you like it, Dani? Am I beautiful? I payed a small fortune but I love this fabric! And today I finally got the money…the scholarship isn’t much, but…

He was smiling but there was a sad distance in his eyes. She looked at him like a child wanting and expecting a reward, so he felt pressured to say something.

-You know you’re beautiful, Cari, why do you want me to say it to you every day? To me, you’re the most beautiful girl in the world…

-Thank you! So we’re going? Please, pretty please…I can’t remember the last time I danced…and I don’t think we ever danced…And this new pub is really cool…the music is slow and romantic and we could cuddle and…

-Cari…I don’t wanna go to some new night club to dance, I really don’t…

She felt rejected and his words were the cold shower she was so afraid of. She tried to remain calm, but the torment inside her kept growing.

-Alright, Dani. We’re not going if you don’t want to…but at least can we go for a walk in the park?

-Sunshine…I hate letting you down like this…but…

She tried to hide her disappointment but her voice was trembling and he could feel the same tremble in her hands when she gently touched his shoulders.

-You can tell me anything.

-I will, please try to listen and to understand me. Is all about…this.

-My new dress? You don’t like it?

-Cari, I saw you today when you volunteered to the shelter for homeless people. You wore your old blue jeans, your hair in a pony tail, no make up…you were gorgeous, brilliant. Pure beauty, because your good heart was shining trough your eyes. This…isn’t you. Yes, I see in front of my eyes a beautiful girl, but this girl isn’t you…And I really hoped you’ll join me tonight to pray for peace…you know the new group Padre Antonio is creating…

-Ohhhhh…

She covered her face.

-No, Sunshine…please listen to me. We could do something meaningful together…there are places in this world where children are dying right now…We’re living terrible times, Cari, there’s no minute to waste…We’re the generation who’ll see the end…you and me, Sunshine, we’re the chosen ones. So, do you understand why I don’t wanna go to dance to some new pub? We have a mission…

She looked down and started to cry. He took her in his arms.

-Please don’t be that selfish, Cari. Don’t be so shallow, this isn’t you.

-Do you love me, Dani?

-Of course I love you, what question is this? Aren’t you my girlfriend?

-Don’t know about that…

He took her by her hand and they sit on the edge of the bed. He grabbed her chin.

-Come on, Sunshine…tell me what’s bothering you. What have I done so wrong?

-Oh, Dani…you did nothing wrong. Is just that…I feel lonely. We’re together since September…already two months…and is like we’re only best friends. And I miss…the romance, the passion…I wanna be with you, I really do…but you don’t see me as your girlfriend, we’re more brother and sister…

She started to cry and he cupped her face, wiping away her tears.

-I’m so sorry…I didn’t knew you feel this way…Of course I see you like my girlfriend! Tell me what can I do to make you feel more secure?

-A kiss…you never kissed me…

He smiled and leaned toward her. She closed her yes in anticipation. His lips touched hers for a few seconds. A delicate, brief touch…she opened her eyes wondering when and if is he gonna do more…

-See? There’s your kiss. Now, can we go to the group? You need to change first…Come on, Cari…lighten up!

-I’m sorry…I can’t go. I’m really sorry, Dani, I just need some time alone now…

-Why? Just tell me why.

Her voice sounded sad and weak and it was visible that she was doing so much efforts to keep herself from crying.

-Today, Dani…I just feel the need to have some time for myself…for us. I understand it can’t be “us” so it’s just me…I gave a lot. I know that tragedies and wars happen while we’re speaking, poverty and abuses right across the street, I know there are people who need our help…but I gave and God knows I will give again…now I need to receive, just a little bit…I have nothing left to give.

-Don’t say that, Sunshine. It’s so selfish of you…

-I’m selfish. I am. I’m imperfect and self-centered. I don’t think I’m the chosen one. I don’t think I’ll be seeing the end of the world very soon.

-Why?

-That’s easy. Because you’re already there, saving the world. And I…I’m with the rest of the sinners who only want a night out or a real kiss from the person they’re dating. I’m with the doomed ones who raise money to buy themselves nice clothes…The world won’t end because you have a mission to save our souls and God, in His mercy, won’t let you fail.

-Cari, this irony comes straight from the dark forces of evil…

-And your fanaticism? And your lack of love? Please, just leave me alone…”

Dave: That was interesting…

Me: Yeah…that’s me, the loneliest girl in the world.

Dave (taking me in his arms to give me the warmest hug): Let’s change that. You are not alone. Love your perfect imperfections…remember?

Faith without love leads to fanaticism. And fanaticism leads to hate, abuses and crimes. I’m praying tonight for the ones who have their hearts shadowed by hate. The ones committing atrocities in the name of faith…For them, to see God for what He truly is: Love, Hope and Life. Please pray with me.

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