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Dave: I think you’re afraid to be happy.

Me: I am…happy…right now, I am!

Dave: Funny thing…the way you said it…it was like you were saying good bye to someone. Tell me, honestly, what are you afraid of?

Me: I’m afraid it will end. Like everything else in my life…love will end, his love will end again. I don’t believe it will last, cause nothing seems to last anymore…

“-Tell me, Carissa, why are you here? Why are you really here? It wasn’t for the confession…and please don’t lie. It’s obvious that something is burdening your soul…talk to me, Carissa.

-Alright…I didn’t came here to confess my sins. Padre Antonio, forgive me for what I’m about to say. I’m here because of Daniele, because he’s doing the biggest mistake of his life. He’s only 19…he can’t be a missionary. And the crazy idea of going to conflict zones…Padre Antonio, stop him! He’s going because of you…stop him or you’ll have his life on your conscience!

Padre Antonio looked at her with a sad smile.

-You changed, Carissa…you changed so much…let’s pray together.

-I don’t wanna pray! I only want your promise that you’ll stop Daniele from this craziness. I know that you look at me and you see a monster, but…

-No, Carissa! I look at you and I see a scared little girl who’s afraid of losing her best friend. A little girl who’s trust was broken so many times, who’s faith was tested in so many ways, who’s love was denied…Isn’t it true? I can see the tears you’re trying to hide…

-It is not about me! I don’t matter anymore! It’s about Daniele and about the mistake he’s doing! You don’t listen, Padre Antonio!

-I do…and God is listening too. Did you talked to Him?

-I don’t have time for this, in a few days Daniele is planing to leave! We need to think about a plan…something urgent and decisive to stop him…

Padre Antonio smiled, taking the Rosary and kneeling in front of Saint Anthony statue.

-This is the only plan, Carissa. To respect God’s will and to pray for the people in need. To follow Jesus’s example and to learn about being humble, modest, obedient in His presence.

She knew he’s speaking from his heart. A few months ago, a few years ago she was willing to learn. To respect His will. What changed so dramatic inside her? Had she lost her faith? And what’s left when you loose your faith? Is it darkness? Is it fear?

-Carissa, what are you thinking about?

-I’m thinking that God left me and that I don’t belong here, in His church. I don’t know who or what…but something or someone will help me. I will stop Daniele, I will save his life, even…

-Even with the price of your soul?

She pretended she didn’t heard his question and ran outside. Tears streaming down her face, a tremble in her body that she couldn’t stop.

-Why are you crying?

She heard a child’s voice and quickly wiped away her tears. She forced herself to smile.

-I’m not crying, look…I’m smiling. You’re searching for Padre Antonio? He’s praying, but you can go inside, it’s freezing here.

-I’m from the orphanage, I came with Sister Maria but she said to wait here. My name is Amy.

-Oh, you have such a beautiful name. When I was little, I had an imaginary friend, a little girl named Amy.

-I know, Carissa.

-How…who…

-You’re crying because you’ll loose your best friend. Daniele. He’s gonna die. And no one wanted to help you.

-Ohhh…you were eavesdropping. That’s not nice, Amy. I was a little sad, but now I’m better. You really shouldn’t listen to private conversations between people.

-Carissa…if there were an answer, a solution for every problem in your life…would you take it?

-There isn’t such thing, Amy. We learn to find solutions. But I must say, you’re very mature for your age.

-Would you give your life? Would you trade your life for his?

-Amy, go to Padre Antonio, please. This conversation is not for a little girl like you even if you’re very smart.

She started to laugh.

-I can’t go, silly! I’m supposed to stay with you! I like you. Remember when you ruined the crucifix trying to free Jesus from the Cross? Remember when you felt from the cliffs? Remember when the air plain almost crashed? I never left you…

-My God…you’re…you’re…

-Forget Him! He already forgot you. But I’ll save Daniele for you. Cause you’re important to me. Your life for his life. Your soul for his safety. All or nothing. Deal?

-No! Never! I see you now for who you truly are! Leave me alone, I command you to leave in the Name of Jesus Christ!

-Ohhhh…you think you’re so powerful, don’t you? Alright…let’s see who wins this time. Do you think He’ll save you? Do you, silly girl?

-Yes, with all my heart!

She opened her eyes trying to realize what just happened. Her clothes were wet and she felt very cold. She tried to move.

-She’s responding! It’s alright, don’t try to move…

-Amy…what…

-She’s hallucinating. A response to pain and shock.

-What…happ…

-Signorina…can you hear me? What is your name?

-Cari…

-Cari, you were hit by a car. We’re taking you to the hospital, you’re safe.

-But Amy…a…little girl…

-There was no little girl, just you. You came from the church, remember. A witness saw you crossing the street. You were hit by a drunk driver, Police arrested him already. you have a head injury, but being able to speak and move is a good sign.

-A sign from God…”

Dave: True love never ends.

Me: I know now…thank you for reminding me. And true faith will always shine trough, no matter how deep is the darkness. 

 

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