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Dave: In other words, you feel trapped.

Me: I never said that! 

Dave: You didn’t had to! You’re like a bird in a golden cage.

Me: No, I’m not. Even if I were, I made that choice.

Dave: You didn’t really made a choice. Just think about it. You changed a cage for another one. This one is bigger and light shines better trough the barrels…but you still dream of flying to the sun…

“The doctor examined the bruise and spoke in a calm voice.

-I still consider that staying over night at the hospital is your best option. Even if you got better miraculously, even if the results are better than we expected. A few hours ago you had hallucinations and losses of conscience. I can’t explain this sudden and rapid recovery, so I would feel better to keep you under observation. And I insist about talking to a psychiatrist, you can do it here…

-Doctor, with all the respect, the CT Scan showed no sign of internal injuries, as for my hallucinations, they disappeared completely. I don’t think I show any psychotic behavior and I’d rather speak to my confessor about my emotional trauma. So, am I free to go on my signature?

-Signorina, are you always that stubborn?

They laughed. Padre Antonio took her hand.

-Yes, she always was that stubborn. And I thank God for that.

The doctor left the room and Padre Antonio took a place quietly at the edge of the bed. Daniele took her in his arms.

-Sunshine…are you sure you’re alright? Does it hurt?

-Just a little. Dani, Padre Antonio, I’m so glad you’re both here. I have to tell you both something.

Padre Antonio smiled.

-Of course, Carissa.

-Padre Antonio, I wanna apologize to you. For trying to manipulate you, for accusing you and trying to put the blame on you. For all the harsh words I have told you. I wish I could go back in time and say yes when you asked me to pray with you. But I was proud, stupid and selfish and I turned my back to you, to my faith and to God. I became exactly like my father and I despise myself for it…

Daniele stopped her.

-Don’t do that, Sunshine…don’t put yourself trough that pressure, you’re nothing but the sweetest angel I know…

-Dani…I’m not…please forgive me. For trying to control your life and to dictate you what to do…for trying to change you, the best guy I ever met. I am so sorry for acting insane the past few weeks…for testing your love and your patience, for failing not only as your girlfriend but as your best friend as well. Dani, if going to a mission is what your soul aches for…then you have my blessing. And I know you’ll come back safe, God wont allow anyone to hurt you…

-Cari, look at me! I’m not a missionary, I’m a fool and fearful guy who loves you insanely…who has no idea how to keep you safe or happy.

-Dani, you’re my family. You and Padre Antonio, I have no one else.

-And you’re my mission, Sunshine. My best friend. My role model and my light. Blame me, hate me, love me like I were your big brother…nothing will push me away from you. I’m not going anywhere, I’m not leaving you. Can’t you see? You need an guardian angel, I’m here…

He started to cry and rushed outside. She wanted to follow him, but Padre Antonio stopped her.

-Let him, Carissa…he’s still in shock and he’s trying so hard to be strong for you.

-I failed…Padre Antonio…my faith was weak, my fears were stronger. I allowed darkness into my life. I wanna confess my sins, Padre. Please pray for my soul…

-Carissa, let me tell you something first. A short story. About a young priest and a catholic family. They had a little girl, she was 2 years old. She had blonde hair and green eyes, she looked like a little angel. But she wasn’t speaking, only a few words…and no one could understand what she was saying…Her parents were afraid that she has mental problems, but she was very smart…and intuitive. She seemed to know things from future…for example, she once had a tantrum and her mother didn’t made it to the plain…that plain crashed…This little girl seemed to have a strange power…to recognize the evil in people who seemed nice…and she was always right.

-It’s interesting, the part with the tantrum and the air plain who crashed, my mom told me that I…

-Well, once, she pushed away a Cardinal who came to their house, a friend of her father. The Cardinal tried to take her in his arms and the little girl hit him over his face so hard that he dropped her down. For no reason…apparently…Later, over a few years, when this event was already forgot, people accused the Cardinal, with proves…for molesting young boys…The little girl sensed the evil in that man…

-That too…I almost remember…

-Well, her parents started to believe that she’s possessed and they brought her to me. I was young, inexperienced…she looked at me and she smiled. She came to me and she put her little arms around me like she had known me. But that wasn’t all she did. You see, Carissa, that day I had a terrible head ache. My eyes, my forehead were hurting so much, I couldn’t even see clear in front of my eyes. She did something. She touched my forehead. She held her tiny hand there and I felt something warm…the pain was gone in seconds. Then she spoke. One word. She said “Jesus”. I gave her something. Do you remember, Carissa?

-What? This one? La mia Medaglia Miracolosa? (The Miraculous Medal) I have it from you? I was that little girl?

-You still are that little girl. All grown up…a young lady now. And your mind erased your first years, but your heart and soul kept that innocence, that faith, pure faith…untouched. I swore to protect you, I failed. You were left alone, to face the world, to face that evil presence that haunted your dreams and your childhood. Amy…you told me about her…I told you to ignore it, I told you that you have a very rich imagination…I failed. I hided behind my Rosary all this time, while you were asking for my help. I am sorry, Carissa!

-I’m…overwhelmed…don’t know what to say…Padre Antonio, I might have been an smart and intuitive child. All children have a direct connection with angels, I strongly believe that…but I’m just an ordinary girl…I only want normal things, a family, to love someone, to be free to go after my dreams…that’s all about me.

-An ordinary girl with an extraordinary power to love. Love is freedom, Carissa. Being a rebel it doesn’t mean that you’re free…true freedom is inside you and the only cage that can stop you is made by your fears…Live as if you were free, love as if you were free…and you’ll find freedom. ”

Dave: Love as if you were free…is a beautiful advice.

Me: I did that with Ryan. I do that with him…as much as I can…

Dave: As much as your golden cage is allowing you to do it…

 

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