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Dave: In your nightmares, you used to see people who couldn’t move.

Me: Yes, they kept asking for my help and I felt helpless. In all my nightmares I was saying words of comfort to them, feeling it’s all in vain…

Dave: Kindness is never in vain. I think you need some words of comfort. You were never truly helpless…but I do believe that the guys you felt for made you feel worthless and helpless.

Me: Till I met…

Dave: Oh, no! Till you met Ryan, your hero, right? Cari…can’t you see? The day you’ll treasure yourself, the day you’ll love yourself…that day you wont know what kept you so long in this relationship…

“She starred to the sky, drawing little circles on the hospital’s window. Avoiding Padre Antonio’s eyes.

-I know you fund out these things in Confessional, Padre Antonio, but we’re talking about my life! I have the right to know! Just one thing…a simple thing…and the rest of information will reveal by themselves, you wont break your vow. I need to know why in my dreams I speak English, why my hair has reddish nuances…why am I so different from my brothers…

She felt a gentle touch on her hair.

-He wont tell you.

The familiar voice brought a cold shiver trough her body.

-You…here…Matteo…

He smiled like they were best friends. Like the past, the anger, the hurt were all erased. He ran his fingers trough her hair and she started to tremble. Big tears in her eyes.

-Carissa…don’t, sweetie, I’m not here to harm you in any way…

-Then why…

-Because I heard of the accident and I realized something very important.

-What?

-That I still care for you. I will forgive you in time. All I need is to hear you saying you’re regretting what you did. Sweetie, when you cheated me, you broke my heart…

She turned her back.

-Matteo, what you did…Do you even realize? You wanted to kill me…I still wake up with a cold sweat…remembering every detail. Now…is this a part of your plan? Your vengeance…a new way of punishing me? You’re wasting your time! My heart is dead, my soul is lost…what do you wanna destroy when I have nothing left?

He took her in his arms and she was too afraid to fight. She remembered another embraces, when he swore to protect her…

-Are you sorry for cheating me?

-Yes.

-Say the words. I wanna hear the words.

-I am sorry for cheating you. Now please, just let me go.

He reached to his jacket and brought her an envelop. With calm, calculated gestures, he opened the envelop and showed her a picture.

-Look, Carissa. Take a close look.

-What’s this? Another game? It’s a nice picture. An elegant lady in front of a big house. I assume is her home.

-I said look closer!

-Matteo, what do you want from me?

He took her hand and placed her palm over the picture.

-Feel it. You should be able to feel it. The connection…Now look at her face. Same nose, same chin…same eyes, only that hers are blue, just like your mother’s eyes. You have the green from your father…

She dropped the picture.

-Is she…is she related to me? My…my…

-Your grandmother. Your home. Your country. Your family. The reason you always felt like a stranger and the explanation for your English accent.

She felt a gratitude she never felt before. Looking at him like she were looking at an angel. He smiled.

-See that picture? I have so many others…you have aunts and uncles, cousins…a big family…I have pictures, dates, phone numbers, an email address…but most important, I have the truth. You were lied all of your life…you always felt you don’t belong here…Sweetie, I have your life, your history…everything you need to feel whole…

-Matteo…show me the pictures…tell me everything…ohhhh…what are we waiting for?

He started to laugh.

-Always so impatient…I want something in return.

She looked down. She knew is too easy. She knew that he’s playing a game…a mind game…but still, she felt so disappointed…He cupped her face and continued.

-How much these information value to you?

-Very much, you know this.

-Enough to step over your pride?

-Yes.

-Then…here is the deal. I’ll give you the file…if you come back to me. Break this stupid thing you have with Daniele and be mine…

She looked frightened.

-I can’t…I can’t hurt Daniele…

-Sweetie…you’re an expert in hurting people who love you so…why not?

-Matteo…I’m not a monster. I already said I’m sorry for cheating you and I think you had your revenge. You can’t force me to marry you…

He started to laugh. An angry cold laugh.

-Have I said anything about marriage? Have I said anything about love? You’re flattering yourself, sweetie. I will never…hear me out…I will never be your fool, never again.

-Then…why? What do you want from me?

-I want you to be mine. I know how much you treasure your freedom and your false sense of dignity and equality. Let’s see if you’re willing to give them all away…

-You’re being cruel. And unfair.

-Carissa…you slept with another man when we were planing our wedding. You cheated me and my family. You cried for him…in my arms. You had sex with me thinking of him. Who’s the cruel one?

-I never thought of him while we were making love. It was all about you. But you couldn’t see it…you were too busy controlling me…You promised me I’ll be safe with you…you cheated!

-Whatever…Saturday at 9 pm, my apartment. If you’re more than 5 minutes late, I’ll burn the file and delete all the information I have. See you soon, sweetie.

He left. Like a shadow, like a ghost from darkness. She fell overwhelmed. Daniele came and saw the devastation on her face. He took her in his arms asking what happen…She started to cry and he caressed her hair, saying it will be alright.

-It wont be…”

Dave: It will be alright, Cari. 

Me: I know it will be. I don’t know how to make my own choices, Dave. 

Dave: You’re afraid to fly. We will fix this…but the destination of your flight has to be decided by your heart…

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