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Dave: If you feel like crying, just do it. An illusion hurts when it’s gone…it’s like missing a part of you.

Me: Sundays are always hard. And you’re right about illusions. I’m not only sad, I’m also angry at myself…And I do feel like crying…because I’m tired to be so alone…I hate my dreams…

Dave: Your nightmares…are they back?

Me: Oh, no…not the nightmares…I hate the beautiful dreams. Because waking up is always heartbreaking…

“-Good to have you back, Carissa. Here’s where you should sign…alright. You understand the rules? Anyway, we’re not putting you in contact with infectious cases, but there’s a potential danger in our work. So, all it’s clear (she nodded). We need more volunteers like yourself especially in this time of the year…

The nurse had a warm smile and her attitude was positive and encouraging. She was so happy to be back…the white corridors of the hospital reminded her that there’s so many people in pain…greater pains than hers…so her loneliness was easier to bear.

She looked at the door trying to find the best attitude. It was a homeless man…that’s what she read, so she opened the door carefully, wearing her warmest smile.

-Good morning, Signore Silvio. How do you feel this morning? Signore…Silvio…?!!!

She recognized the old man that helped her. The memories overwhelmed her…her swollen ankle, the pain, Matteo, Millie’s bench…everything. And she almost burst into tears. Still, the old man didn’t showed any sign of recognizing her.

-So now they hire little girls! That’s such a lack of respect! I bet you’re not even in Medical School…You know, young lady…back to my good old days, when I was younger…a patient received all the attention from the doctor…now, they don’t even bother to check if you’re alive or death. Ohhh…yes they do…indeed, by sending a child to look after me…

-Signore Silvio, don’t you remember me? I’m Carissa…a few months ago, maybe longer…you helped me when I fell and hurt my ankle. You told me you’re a doctor and you did an amazing job! And you also told me about Millie…I mean Signora Milagros…your wife, you were talking to her…Don’t you remember?

She stopped talking when she saw the tears falling down on his cheeks.

-I’m sorry…I shouldn’t said…

He grabbed her hand.

-No…please don’t go…You look different. Carissa…Yes…I think I remember. You were hurt. More than your ankle…you were hurting more. The pain was much bigger. And Millie liked you, she argued with me because I left you there…in the darkness. With the demon…Oh, Carissa…what has he done to you?

She wiped away her own tears, trying to look brave.

-Signore Silvio…no demon can hurt me anymore, that’s all that matters. But tell me, what happened to you? And Signora Milagros? Is she still with you?

He covered his face wit his hands.

-They found me, Carissa. They took everything I had…they took away…my Millie…Millie lied to me…she promised to stay forever…but she left with the angels. Then people, bad people came…they gave me pills and injections…and they tried to convince me that Millie was a hallucination…She was not! You saw her too!

She nodded, trying to calm him down.

-I’m not crazy, Carissa…and I’m no fool. I know what you think…what everyone thinks…Poor old Silvio, his wife died and he lost his mind. He’s talking to death people now! Let’s fix him! But what if I don’t wanna be fixed? What if I was happier before? When I saw Millie everywhere…Do they have the right to take that away from me?

She looked down, trying to find the right words.

-Don’t say anything, please don’t…These things…are not for a young heart…even if you…Carissa! Come closer, girl! Let me look into your eyes. God…why are these shadows in your eyes? You don’t feel well…you’re dying slowly…I can see in your eyes…your heart is bleeding. I curse the demon! I curse the one who did that to you!

Without a warning he hugged her. She didn’t protested.

-Signore Silvio…I never thought you’re crazy. And I know how much you miss Millie…but she’s not lost…not as long as you love her. And she didn’t left you, she’s still here, in your heart. No one can take her away from your heart…

-You think she’ll find me? You think she still remembers me? All I want…all I hope…is that, when the moment will come…for me to leave this pointless existence…, she will find me. She will guide me home…

-She will. I believe with all my heart and soul that she loves you and she remembers you. Because I think that love can create a bridge between us and the ones we love…even if they are in a better world.

He kissed her hand. She felt like trembling inside, missing her grandmother more than ever…missing everything…

-God bless you child for these words! I will rest now…tell that doctor to move his ass to my bed…I wanna have a word with him…

a few hours later

-Hey..that’s beautiful! Who’s portrait is this? Your grandmother?

-You like it, Angelo? Is not my grandmother…is a patient’s wife. Milagros…Millie…she died long ago and he misses her terribly. And he doesn’t have a single picture of her anymore. So is more how I imagine her…

Angelo looked at her smiling.

-Carissa…you are so beautiful. I always knew…but now I see you differently…this light on your face comes from your soul…it makes you so beautiful…

She looked away. Confused by his words. Not knowing how to react.

-Angelo, it’s late…I should go back to the boarding school…

-I love you.

-I’m running late. I wanna stop by the hospital to give the portrait to Signore Silvio and then…

He took her by her shoulders.

-Then we’re stopping by the hospital first. Carissa, don’t be afraid of me. Saying I love you is my way of promising you that I’ll always be here. For you.”

Dave: You’re not alone, Cari. And even when you feel like that…I know that happiness and love are on your way.

Me: Maybe…Thank you, Dave. I was praying for someone to find me today and you did. You found my heart…

 

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