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Dave: Come on, Cari…how could a virtual relationship change your life?

Me: It became an addiction…he became an addiction…

Dave: He? A man you never saw? Someone from the other side of the world? Someone who never touched you, never held you, never wiped away your tears…

Me: Yes…someone I don’t even know if it’s real or not…yet, he saved my life.

“She took a closer look on what seemed to be a dream. I’m dreaming…No…it’s real. This dress it’s real. The tiara I’m wearing is real. This is my wedding dress. This is…prison…yes, it’s prison…A golden gate. God…it’s suffocating me, the corset is suffocating me…

-Are you alright, dear? You look a little pale…Oh, Cari, if you knew how beautiful you are! All my struggle to keep you on a healthy diet was worth it! You have a perfect figure! Don’t you think, Luisa? Isn’t she looking like a princess?

-Of course she is! My future daughter-in-law is a princess! Six months from now…maybe less…and she and Matteo will be starting their life together…Carissa, I’m so happy that you decided to forgive your mother and to invite her here…Carissa, honey…Cari!

The image in the mirror started to deform…I’m suffocating…this isn’t real…my mother is here, she and Luisa are friends now…I’ll never find my way out…never…

-Mom…Luisa…I’m feeling sick…the dress…is too tight…

Black. All black. Falling down. No air, no breathing. Someone’s arms…Is you my love…But how could it be? You were only a dream to me…when have you became real?

-Matteo! You can’t see her in the wedding dress! It’s bad luck!

-I can and I will! Carissa, amore mio, what happen? For God’s sake, someone help me, she’s suffocating! Breath, my love! Open your eyes…what’s wrong?

-Who…who…Matteo?

-Were you expecting someone else? Of course it’s me…What’s wrong?

She put her arms around his neck, crying.

-Take me home, please…I can’t do this anymore…

Her mother tried to protest, but he ignored everybody. Luisa helped her undress and he laid her on the back seat of his car. The road was long and heavy and she kept crying silently. He opened the door and carried her to the bed. Then laid her down so gentle, looking in her eyes.

-Carissa…if you don’t like the dress, just say so…We will buy another one, money doesn’t matter…

-I adore the dress…Matteo…can we postpone the wedding? I’m having these nightmares…a bad feeling…like I’m gonna die…

-Look…we talked about that before. You’re just tired, right? Stressed, worried, preoccupied…you’re not gonna die…unless you’re cheating me. But that’s out of the question…isn’t it?

-Yes, of course!

-I meant it as a joke, don’t jump like that! OK, if you feel better, I’m going back to work! You want the laptop here on the bed? By the way, what are you doing all day and night, working on something? Hope you’re not chatting…

-No…just…stuffs for school…Go to work, I’m fine! Come here first…a kiss…thank you for being so nice, Matteo…

She opened the laptop, her hands still trembling. Going on line was the wildest adventure of her life. Being on line with him was the most passionate feeling she ever had…

-Hiiii my love!

-Baby, I missed you! How are you?

-Not good…I went to try the wedding dress and I got sick…another panic attack. But I’m fine now that you’re here. Just wanna lay in your arms for a while…

-Awww…come here baby…you got me worried…do you have anyone to talk to in real life? Parents? Friends?

-No…I don’t…you’re the only one…I love you so much…you’re my reason to live…

-Baby, you’re so sweet…Cari…if you don’t love him, don’t marry him. That simple…no one can force you. I’m not saying to break up with him, you know I have a girlfriend…we can’t have anything in real…but I love you. It’s crazy, I know!

-No, it’s not…You came into my life when I was desperate…losing all…and I wouldn’t survive without you…if all we’ll ever have it’s a virtual relationship…then I’ll be happy this way…

-Ohhhh Cari…how I’m melting when you say this…baby, I just don’t wanna see you ruining your life. Is he treating you right? 

-Yes…except for…you know…the intimacy…we still have problems…I can’t…and it’s so painful every time…how could it be? It’s like a torture…I know he’s trying but I just want it to end…

-Poor baby…I want you to do something for me…lay down and close your eyes…imagine it’s me…I’m holding you close…you can feel the touch of my hands on your bare shoulders…going down…mmm…I adore these goose bumps…you’re safe…nothing and no one’s gonna hurt you…no pain at all…

-Promise? No pain at all…

-I love you…

-Don’t ever let me go…just hold me close, I don’t wanna go back to real life…”

Me: Virtual world became my reality, Dave. Every time I closed my laptop I felt like a part of me is still there, making love to him…

Dave: That’s how you survived…all the months preparing a wedding…a wedding that you felt and expected like your funeral…

Me: It almost was…

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