Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , ,

The second part of my journey

Light. Nothing but a golden warm light. I find myself smiling for no reason. Just because I feel embraced by light. Feeling how my soul opens, how all my defensive walls are falling…feeling complete. Love can heal…

Arms. Loving arms and a smile I’ll never forget. How long has it past since I last saw this smile? It feels like it was only one minute…She’s caressing my hair and I feel like a child again. A free happy child. I let my tears fall freely…there’s no shame on crying. Why are my tears shining? Is it from the aura surrounding her face? Is it from my own light?

Sweetness. All around me. A sweet smell of my favorites cornettos and the taste of honey in my mouth. And I feel so filled with joy. No hunger, no fear, no cold, no pain…A sweet sound. Her voice. I hear it even if we’re not talking. I hear it in my mind. She’s telling me how loved I always was. And in my mind I say thank you God. For welcoming me home…

She’s holding my hands and she tells me how brave I was…my beloved and long missed Nonnina…The sensation of floating and a small white church. All white. And angels smiling at us. Real angels…oh, how could I have ever doubt? You were only human…and I recognize this voice.

When he left, I thought he took my faith in the grave with him…but he was always with me…Padre Antonio and Sister Maria…I should have known…it was not the end…physical death is never the end. A shadow of sadness knowing that I denied the love of God…till the last moment. But the light feels my guilt and heals it once again. You are forgiven…anger and guilt don’t belong here…

A gentle touch. I never met her before but I know her name. And I know her story. Victoria. She’s smiling at me…the blue rosary…I remember everything…Her voice is like music and she’s thanking me. How can an angel thank me? They needed a sign…they needed your blue rosary to find a reason…to keep believing. That’s what she’s saying to me and I’m overwhelmed…A small gesture I made for them…From now on I’ll know…kindness can save a life…

Floating again and the white changes in rainbows. Flowers, amazing flowers, beautiful colors like I never saw before. They’re playing with me. Little beautiful souls…I remember them from the hospital…I held their tiny hands during all those painful treatments…I thought they lost the fight…how could I have been so blind? They were winning all the time…because paradise belongs to children.

-We’re losing her! She’s not responding! You can’t give up now, fight for your life! 

I hear them but they’re so far away. What do they want from me…I’m feeling so well, so happy, so peaceful…Why should I fight?

-Please open your eyes and say something…anything…say you hate me, say I’m the worst mother of all, just wanna hear your voice once again…

But I am speaking, my voice never sounded so sweet and beautiful. Here…all the voices are like the sweetest melodies…And hate…how could I ever hate when I was touched by light and embraced by angels. Can’t you see…I’m finally home…

-Forgive me…I was never the father you needed me to be. See…I always put my ego first…my damn pride…but I wanna tell you something: you are the person I admire the most in the entire world. You’re honest and brave and good…like I’ll never be. But if you come back…if you give me a chance…

Come back…is not my option anymore…I’m not the one deciding…I’m just here…healing my soul and being loved…I don’t know where to go and what “back” means…I feel deep compassion for him…and love…but is not my decision anymore…

-Sunshine…I blame myself for what happen…they say is my fault, I’m accused of harming you…I’m accused of things I would never do to you. You’re the only one who knows what happen…please save me one more time…I made a pact, you know? Just to see you smiling once again…then devil can have my soul…please wake up…

The angels are quiet. Poor soul…how I wish…if he could feel how forgiving, how loving, how merciful is our God…I wish I could…but light is telling me about free will…it wasn’t my fault…and I feel so free…

-I’m giving you the blessing, child. May God forgive your soul and take you to a place where’s only love. You are released now from any fault…go freely and find your peace…Amen.

The light is slowly fading away, but I’m not afraid. I feel like falling and I feel pain…but I’m still smiling. It was His decision…My life will never be the same. Now I know how it feels to be home…Now I’ll have the graceful Light and the forever Love to carry them into our human world. And my soul who felt the touch of Heaven…will only shine brighter. I’ll have a purpose. A new life.

-She opened her eyes! My God, Carissa…we thought you’re dying. Can you move your fingers…that’s a good sign…Can you talk?

Panic. I’m suffocating. My head hurts so much…my whole body hurts. I can’t breath. I don’t understand them. I don’t recognize them. Where is Nonnina? I don’t like this place…smells like blood and medicines…

-She’s trying to talk! Don’t force yourself, Carissa…What? What are you saying…

-Who…who is Carissa?

 

A special thank you for all my followers…I wouldn’t be still writing if it weren’t for you, beautiful, amazing, talented friends. Your support, your messages and the generosity of sharing your own stories made it possible. Second part of my journey is all about love, joy and real values…and is dedicated to you.  

 

Advertisements