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Dave: What if you could take it all from the start?

Me: A new start? I had that chance, I repeated the same mistakes…

Dave: Is your choice to look at things in terms like “mistakes” and “wrong or right”…and is sad that someone so forgiving with the others can be so harsh with herself…

“The woman standing in front of me had tears that seemed colored in blue. Maybe because of her light-blue eyes, same color as the summer sky. Her long blond hair and her perfect figure made her look like a model and only the thin lines around her eyes were keeping me from believing she’s around my age.

-You really can’t remember me? Nothing? Not my voice? Anything at all? Please, Cari…maybe if you try harder…

I was feeling guilty seeing her tears rolling down her face and the way she was holding my hands, so I used my logical thinking…if she’s here, she must be family…because she was the first visiting me…so…

-You’re family…you’re…my sister?

Her smile was even sadder than her tears.

-Months…weeks ago…how would I have enjoy hearing you say that I’m your sister…my foolish, self destructive ego and my selfish obsession for physical perfection…No, Cari…I’m your mother. My name is Leanne, maybe you can remember my name…

My eyes were strangely burning and I felt something salty on my lips. Tears…am I crying?

-My God, I made you cry…and doctors said you’re not allowed to have strong emotions. I’m sorry, honey…you know…you will remember in time…

-I’m happy I have a mother…

She hugged me and it felt so good…my first hug since I came back.

-Of course you have a mother! And a father! And two brothers, well, step brothers to be more specific. And a fiancee…and friends, and a priest who only met you once but spend day and night praying for you…You have so many people carrying for you…loving you. But more important, now that you’re back, we’ll be best friends!

I felt happy, a feeling I remembered somehow, like from a dream. Or wasn’t a dream? The golden light…

-You like this? I saw you looking at my necklace…I want you to have it.

The little crucifix in my palm was warm and it made me believe that Leanne…my mother…is the nicest person on earth…

-Thank you…but you don’t have to…gold is expensive…right? I remember that! And white gold is the most beautiful! I remember that too! You told me once…see? I remember!

I was celebrating my first re-gained memories like a child celebrating a new toy. She seemed happy too.

-You remember right. I tried to teach you all I knew about jewelries, but you never showed too much interest…Gold is truly expensive, but it worth every penny…Cari…Carissa…honey…

I froze for a moment…a black shadow and a new feeling. Desperation…I remembered desperation…and heartbreaking sadness. Pain…all at once…A voice…Her voice… “Your life isn’t worth it that much”…Was that a nightmare? But the sound was too vivid in my mind…and then another feeling…fear…

-Carissa…Doctor! She’s losing conscience again! Cari…please don’t do that again…

“Please don’t do that…just think about…if I’ll die, you’ll be going to jail…you’re ruining both of our lives…and for what? Just think about, is not too late to let me go.”

“To let you go? To let you go to another man you mean! You played me for a fool but it’s over…You’ll be mine and your last memory will be me…isn’t that sweet?”

“Never!”

“Carissa…my God…you’re bleeding…you fell…”

“Help me…Matteo…I need to go…to…a…hospital…”

“They’ll think I did this to you, but I didn’t! You’ll die and I’m going to jail! I’m sorry, Carissa, I can’t go to jail! I’m sorry!”

-…and she wasn’t supposed to be forced to remember that soon! That’s exactly why we didn’t wanted her to have visitors.

-I’m not any visitor, I’m her mother! She was happy, smiling and then, suddenly…Doctor, she’s waking up!

The feeling of waking up from a nightmare…I opened my eyes feeling something very lucid inside my mind. Memories…the bad ones…

-Leanne…

-Yes, honey…I’m right here…

-You said my life isn’t worth it that much…If you’re my mother, why have you said that?

-Ohhhh…

-Because her own pathetic life is worthless. That’s why she said that.

He walked in the room ignoring everything around him. A strong man with a strong voice. He said something to the doctors then turned to me. My eyes were still foggy but I could feel the touch of his hand.

-Welcome back, angelito…My name is Angelo, your father hired me to be your bodyguard till this ugly story will be solved. You need to rest now, I’ll make sure you wont be bothered again.

It only took me a second to fall asleep again. The healing sleep, that’s how the doctors were telling me later. But the door was already opened…and it was for the best. Because shadows only become darker in the absence of light.”

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