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Dave: Alright…it is your choice. After all, I found you standing on a bridge…

Me: An imaginary bridge between my past and my present. And, so many times I ran back, trying to find the missing pieces. The ones who, once I’d put back together, will give me the answer. 

Dave: Yes, the big question…why you? Why, even if you tried so hard to be a good person, making the right choices, sadness and shadows seem to follow you…why you?

Me: Why me? Now I know…it wasn’t the lack of love, it was the lack of honesty…I never learned how to be honest with myself…so how could I ever be honest with him?

November 2013

-I understand you, I really do…you were so deeply hurt, the wounds are still fresh and opened and you’re afraid they’ll never heal…You’re maybe thinking that love isn’t meant to be for you…and that any woman who gets close to you and to your kids is a potential aggressor…

-How…

-How do I know? Because I feel your pain…I wont try to comfort you…I wouldn’t find the right words…not after everything you told me. And I’m not expecting anything…I just wanna stay right here, in your arms…till the storm will be over…

-What if the storm will never be over? You deserve more, Cari…And I’m selfish…because I want you in my life even if I have nothing to give…a broken heart and many painful memories…

-Don’t go…Ryan…your broken heart is a perfect match for mine…and about painful memories…There is something I was trying to tell you. Is about me, my past…

-You always know the right words…You know what I adore the most about you? No? You wanna know? Give me a kiss and I’ll tell you…What I adore the most about you is this innocence…the purity of your heart. I love that you don’t have a complicate past…no shadows to haunt you…is absolutely amazing to me to know that I’m your first love…

-Ryan…what if…if…

-If you would have had a painful history? Well…then we wouldn’t stand a chance!

-Ohhhh…

-Because two broken hearts cannot function together…One has to be whole. One has to be unbroken. I don’t know if I can fix a broken heart…and I’m not sure I want to…

February 2015

-…so you lied to me all this time? I fell in love with an imaginary girl…one who never existed in reality…

-Everything I told you about my feelings for you is true! Everything! Ryan…you have to believe me…

-I have to? No, I don’t. You broke my trust and without trust there’s no love.

-No love…just because I couldn’t tell you…I tried to…I love you, Ryan, I really do.

-Is hard to believe now…and I don’t know who you are anymore. You’re not the one I thought…the girl I fell in love is gone. An illusion, that’s what you gave me. And I build my life, my marriage, my plans for the future…on this illusion. I can’t even look at you, Carissa…

-You want me to go?

-Yes. Far away from my life. Far away from my family. We’re over…

Dave: Who wasn’t honest? You…for hiding your past and for letting him create his own fantasy…or him…

Me: He was honest…but he wasn’t in love. I learned one thing, Dave. Love isn’t judgement or blame…love sees behind actions, love feels the real reasons and love forgives. True love forgives…He was never in love. And I was never honest. But not to him…I wasn’t honest to myself…

 

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