Dave: I see light in your eyes, but I don’t see the sparks…is strange, just like a fire that feels cold when you’re expecting to burn…
Me: I’m tired of being burned. Love is a warm light…
Dave: No fireworks, right? Just a calm, beautiful light, no fire, no thunders…
Me: That’s right. No adventures, no thrill, no hurt, no drama…Why are you looking at me like this? I told you I’m fine…
“She put the fork aside.
-This food looks like worms. I’m not eating!
-Come on, Cari! Is your favorite food! When you were 2, you asked for this every morning. Just try the noodles…if you don’t like them, I’ll get you something else.
-Scrambled eggs and bacon, please. I’m not 2 anymore, I can eat adult’s food, not worms…sorry, noodles…
Angelo took the plate and throw the noodles in the trash. She was starring somewhere in the air, and got startled when he touched her shoulder.
-Carissa…we need to talk. Listen, you can’t go on like this. Not eating, not sleeping…you’re studying all the time or volunteering at the orphanage. Or you’re at church…is not healthy for a young girl to live this way. You barely talk and you don’t even seem to listen to me…Cari! You don’t even watch TV or listen to music anymore.
She took the remote control and turned on the TV.
-Happy now?
-Not by far…
He turned off the TV and cupped her face, making her look into his eyes.
-Carissa…it must be hard for you, I understand this. What happen with Alessio was…
-Don’t! Don’t…I’m sick and tired of people telling me how I should feel! How I’m such a victim…you especially, Angelo…stop looking at me like I’m dying or something. I’m very much alive!
-Are you? Maybe you think I’m blind…I saw the roses…you let them die, didn’t bothered to change the water. And when you got the news…about that special diploma, about the speech you’re gonna hold…you didn’t even blinked. Sweet little angel…I think you’re hurting more than you’re willing to admit…
-The roses…
She turned around, but he took her in his arms and she didn’t struggled.
-Cari…the roses died, all 19. I don’t want you to die along with them! I love you, sweetheart…
-All 19? They died? Then I should get rid of them…Angelo, why are you so nice to me? I don’t deserve you. Anyway…
He looked deep into her eyes. She was avoiding his gaze and he saw the tears.
-It’s alright…you need to get it out of your chest. Too many losses…even the bravest people are allowed to cry.
-No, not anymore. Not crying anymore. I cried with him, I cried for him…it’s over. I killed the roses with my tears. Yes, I cried holding the roses in my arms and my tears poisoned them. I kill everything I love…
He arranged her hair on her shoulders.
-Love me…you wont kill me. You’re only killing me when you feel so low about yourself.
He got close, too close. His lips touched hers and she pushed him away.
-Just friends! That’s what I can do without hurting you. My love is poison…everything I touch dies…that’s why I’m alone, that’s why I wont love again…Only God, He’s immortal so I can love Him.
-OK, stop! Stop and listen! Alessio was your first love but he’s not the last one…He broke your heart, but that doesn’t mean you wont love again…Angelito, you’re only 19…and you’re carrying an ocean of tears inside your heart. Now close your eyes…stay right here in my arms and pretend that you believe…I’m telling you that you deserve to be loved and protected…pretend that you believe me…
She felt her tears and she hated herself for it…but they kept coming and coming with an unstoppable force and she found herself crying like a baby in Angelo’s arms.
-I’m…so…sorry…
-What for? For being human? Or vulnerable? Cari…let the tears fall freely, you don’t need them anymore. You only need love…and another bouquet of roses…”
Dave: There is someone who’s love would do miracles for your heart…
Me: Yes, Ryan…but he loves me…
Dave: Not Ryan. In fact, I’m not talking about a guy. No, not your mother neither…I’m talking about you. Yes you…you with your storms and thunders, with your fireworks and sparks…
Carissa's world 
Reblogged this on Survivors Blog Here.
wow – such powerful post!
Thank you so much! This is one of the posts I felt so difficult to write…I’m honored that you like it!
Carissa
You weave such emotion in the dialog. You can feel it in every word.
Thank you! It was hard to express in words that feeling…of being frozen, trapped in a devastating memory who keeps repeating over and over in your mind, while the world around you keeps moving…Don’t know if I could really put that in words, but I’m happy and honored if my writing touched your heart. Blessings and wishes for a lovely day, Carissa
Dearest Cari
You can love yourself for surviving and not growing bitter. You have opened your heart to people who need you in so many ways in so many places. God will bless you. If you carry bad memories buried deep inside, you’re human. Many have deep pain to walk thru and once to the other side can start to walk forward with shoulders held back. You are a special person. I’m glad you’re in my life.
Hugs 🙂
M
Thank you, my dearest Melinda! Your message touched my heart, bringing tears of joy in my eyes. Not only because you can read between words (I know you do) but also because I’m so blessed to have you in my life! Bitterness or frustrations have no place when I’m surrounded by so much love and light.
Hugs you with all my heart!
Cari
Dearest Cari
Your kind words always touch me, there was a time when feelings were not possible. I’m so blessed my heart is open, we can carry our baggage without a cold heart. I know your heart is as big as the world and you share with as many people around the world as possible. I would love to be with you on your journey. I’m there is spirit.
Have a blessed journey.
Hugs
Melinda