Tags
conceal or reveal, dating, depression, dream, falling in love, first love, friends, game, playing, premonitions, sleeping pills, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt, Valentine's Day
Dave: Again, my turn now! Situation: you’re in love with your best friend. He’s in a relationship. Reveal or conceal?
Me: He’s in a relationship based on love. He’s happy. Conceal…I would let him be happy.
Dave: Is it fair? Doesn’t he have the right to know? Do you have the right to decide for him? Reveal.
Me: No. Conceal. Feelings were unexpected, unpremeditated. My actions will be the right ones. The right choice, Dave…that’s what’s all about here.
February 14, 2010
“-Ready for your big date? Here’s the dress you wanted…and you can chose any perfume you like. Now tell me! Who is he? A boy from your class?
-Uhmmm…Cari…I gotta tell you something. No…better…tell me about you and Dani…
She looked at Laura with an amused smile.
-Alright sis…me and Dani…we’re friends, best friends. We tried once to be more than friends, it was a disaster. So, we decided to remain best friends. End of story. Your turn now.
Laura started to talk with an precipitated voice, avoiding any eye contact.
-This boy I’m dating…don’t know how to tell you…is Dani. Don’t be upset, pleaseee…he’s the best guy on earth…and we were thinking how to tell you…he said you may be bothered…
She felt a big emptiness and tried her best to smile and to remain cheerful. The need to cry and the emptiness in her stomach…
-That’s absurd. Why would I be bothered? I’m just a little surprised, that’s all. But wish you both all the best…Now I gotta…run…to…do something for school!
-Thank you, sis! You’re the best!
She rushed outside. Angry, hurt, confused. Couldn’t see right in front of her because of her tears.
-Watch out! Sunshine…you’ll have an accident if you run like that…
-Dani…
She felt the need to hit him. To yell at him. To call him names. But she smiled.
-Laura told me…congratulations…And have fun tonight!
-Wait…you’re crying?
He took her by her shoulders and she couldn’t stop the tremble of her body.
-Sunshine…what happen? Heyyy…is this about me and Laura? She’s a sweet kid, I like her a lot, but if that’s a problem for you…
-No…No! Not at all! I’m not crying…I think I have…the flu! Yes, the flu…going to rest now…
-Alone?! Is Valentine’s Day! Sunshine…you’re coming with us! But didn’t you said you have plans?
-I wanted to ask…doesn’t matter! I gotta run! Laura is waiting, hurry up, she’s all dressed up…
I wanted to ask you…she fulfilled the empty spaces in her mind, letting her tears fall freely as she closed the door to her room.
…
-Hello…Angelo? Sorry to bother you…you said I can call…
-Hey Cari! How’s your date? Hope he’s behaving! What?! You’re crying…
-No date…he’s dating Laura…I just found out…no, I’m ok…I was wondering…maybe I could come to your home…
-You mean tonight? Oh, sweetheart…if I have had any idea…but I invited someone…
-You have a date? I interrupted you…I’m sorry…
-You know what? I’ll cancel it! You’re more important.
For a moment she felt tempted…then the guilt overwhelmed her.
-Angelo…no…I just remembered that I have a project for school…I’m way behind with my studies and…I’m really fine! Really! Don’t you even think about cancelling your date! I’m happy you finally took my advice and found a nice lady…Look, I gotta hang up…something came in…bye…
…
Lying on the bed, wondering what could she have done so wrong…to be so alone…Wondering what’s about her that makes her so…unlovable. Angry with Daniele, Laura, Angelo, the world, God, love…angry at herself. Feeling ugly, stupid, small…all alone…
-Don’t cry, baby…I’m here…
She heard the words, but it was darkness…Still, she recognized him and smiled.
-Alessio…
-You know…everything we’ve been trough made me realize…that you’re the one, the only one…So I’m here…to take you away from all of them. Do you wanna run away with me?
-Yes…but you’re married in US…how…
-Sssshhhhttthhhh…I’m not married…it was all a lie to make you jealous. I’m sorry for hurting you…you’re the only one I wanna marry…don’t you know? Come with me…baby…I love you…
-I love you too…
The impact with the floor was harsh. She opened her eyes. Realizing it’s not true…realizing it’s only a dream. She fell asleep with his picture. Now the picture was moist in tears while her eyes were dried…She reached her hand to grab a tissue to clean the picture. Feeling something else. The pills. The ones that makes you sleep. She smiled. That’s the answer…if sleeping means meeting him in my dream…
With trembling hands she arranged all the pills on the floor. Making a heart from all the red sleeping pills. It’s ironic…Will they finally understand that a broken heart can kill you? She took one pill…the heart was now incomplete…an incomplete heart surrounded by strangers. The phone started to ring. Long and annoying. She wanted to end it…so she picked up the phone and let it hang, without a word. Still, the voice on the other side was clear.
-Cari? Carissa! It’s me, Alessio. Don’t hand up, I know you’re there, I know you can hear me! Is morning here…Cari, say something…
-Yes…
-Hear me out! I had a terrible nightmare…you were lying on the floor and people were crying around you, saying you’re dead. I cried in my sleep too…I was there, next to you, taking you in my arms and telling you that I love you, begging you to come back…
-I’m back…
-You’re strange, talking strange…Baby…this is our day! I don’t care who’s with you and who’s with me…I don’t care if the world is between us…this is our day! Happy Valentine’s Day, baby…I love you…
-Happy Valentine’s Day, amore mio…Thank you for bringing me back…
-Cari…my nightmare…it was true, wasn’t it? God…listen…please call someone, talk to someone…don’t just stay alone…There are people who can help you…
-I love you too, Alessio. We’ll talk another time, ok? I have something to do right now.
She hang up. Still smiling, she took the pills with both of her hands and throw them to the trash…Forever.
Looking up to the skies above.
-Thank You, Father. Now I know my way…”
Dave: It’s not the broken heart that kills people…is their decision to remain silent…Our game…it seems stupid now…
Me: Situation: you’re hurting deeply while everyone around you are happily in love. Reveal. Cause remaining silent will devastate them in the end…
Dave: Reveal. A win-win situation. Taking you in my arms right now. Conceal or reveal?
Me: Reveal. We’re both winning, Dave…